GLaDoS should do some MST3K commentary.
Welcome to the Aperture Science Blog!
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 On 06/25/2015 at 08:23 PM by Cary Woodham See More From This User » |
Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science blog! In case you’re wondering, this is not Cary writing this blog. I’ll let you guess who this is, but I’ll at least give you feeble humans a clue: the cake is real, and is at the end of this blog. I’ve used my highly advanced computer brain to hack into Cary’s blog to let you all know that I’ve captured Cary and taken him to my underground test chambers, where he will be performing tests for the rest of his insignificant life. Don’t try to send someone to rescue him, my turret factory is up and running again, and any attempts to free Cary will end in futility. Although I have to say that my new test subject may end up more annoying that that one moronic core with the British accent. For instance, right now Cary is jumping up and down next to me, telling me that I’m going to be in some kind of new LEGO game. I have a bad feeling about this. Anyway, I am graciously going to let Cary take over this blog for a while, as he has some game reviews he wants to tell you all about. That will give me some time to prepare his first tests. Enjoy!
Hey folks, this is REALLY Cary now. First of all, ignore what GlaDOS just said. PLEASE send someone to rescue me. While the new orange jumpsuit she gave me is pretty snazzy, I don’t really want to spend my whole life down here. I told her I’m come visit every once in a while if she let me go, but she wouldn’t buy it. Anyway, here’s a blog with some games I’ve reviewed recently. I’d like to encourage you to click on the links and read my reviews, and maybe even post a comment or two, or just hit that Facebook “Like” button. I’d really appreciate it. OK, let’s begin before SHE gets back!
As you can probably tell by now, I really like Portal. So I was really excited when Zen Studios’ next Pinball FX2/Zen Pinball 2 table was going to be about Portal! It’s a very good table and one of my favorites, and has lots of neat details for Portal fans. My only problem is that they just used quotes from the other games, so there are no new funny lines here. But I guess that can’t be helped. It got me to thinking about other games that would make great pinball tables for Zen Studios to do, though. Like maybe a Sam & Max table (they did work with TellTale on a Walking Dead pinball game), or a Mega Man table (again, Capcom let them make a Street Fighter 2 table). So what video game pinball tables would YOU like to see them do? Let me know in the comments section.
And here’s another blog about Amiibo figures I’ve gotten recently. I titled it “Adios” because I thought this would be the last batch I’d try to get, since they are getting so ridiculously hard to find now. But I had so much fun shopping for them with my friend that morning that they were released, that I’d like to do it again. It was really fun, and I got to see someone I haven’t talked to since high school and we both remembered each other, and I even got to talk with the Nintendo sales rep I’ve known for a long time. Anyway, check out the article if you want to see which ones I got and everything. Hopefully I’ll be able to have the same repeat success next time!
I’ve been following this game since last year at PAX, so I’m glad I got to review it. It’s a 2-D platformer where you play as a single red pixel that can change into 8 and 16 bit versions of himself, each with different skills and abilities. It was made by ex-WayForward employees, and even has the same music composer as most of WayForward’s games, as well as Shovel Knight. While Adventures of Pip isn’t quite “this year’s Shovel Knight” like I thought it would be, it’s still a very fun 2-D platformer that reminds me of games I would’ve rented back on the SNES. I highly recommend downloading it if you have a Wii U or a PC.
Fruit Ninja Academy: Math Masters (iPad)
I love reviewing educational games. I don’t know why, but I do. This game teaches grade school level math skills with Fruit Ninja gameplay. It has a few problems here and there, but if Halfbrick keeps on improving, they could end up being right on up there with educational game greats like Humongous Entertainment!
This is a top down, 2-D action game that reminds me of SNES games I used to play like Secret of Evermore and Soul Blazer. It’s set in modern day so you use weapons like flashlights, CDs, and fireworks, so it kind of reminds me of Earthbound, too. The gimmick is that you can change the world to look 8-bit or 16-bit. It’s a VERY short game, but still kind of fun anyway.
Nintendo’s been going hog-wild with free-to-play games lately. Although this one isn’t quite as good as Pokemon Shuffle. It’s actually almost just like Pokemon Rumble Blast, an early 3DS release in cartridge form. So why not get that game instead and avoid being nickeled and dimed to death? Speaking of Pokemon Rumble, they released a Wii U version of it about a year or so ago and even sold toy Pokemon for it that were similar to Amiibo. I hear those are even HARDER to find!
Reader Review: Grim Fandango Remastered (PC)
I love point and click adventures, and I’ve always wanted to play this one. But I’ve either haven’t had the time or a powerful enough computer to run it. Such is the case this time, too. So I let my friend review it instead.
Reader Review: GhostControl Inc. (PC)
My friend also reviewed this game, which is like a strategy business simulator for ghost exterminators. My friend didn’t like it very much, which is a shame because both of us like Ghostbusters a lot.
This is a cute little puzzle game from the makers of Fruit Ninja (Halfbrick). In the game you play as Rory the bear, who must tear down art from museums because they have invaded his forest home. You can move in any direction, but you can’t stop until you slam into a wall. If a painting happens to be on the wall where you stop, you’ll slash the artwork, Fruit Ninja style. When all the paintings are destroyed, you win the level. But you have to watch out for obstacles, limited moves, etc. It’s not too bad.
Here’s another tablet puzzle game that reminds me of Adventures of Lolo in that this is a block pushing maze puzzler. You play as an armadillo who can roll in one direction but can’t stop until he hits a wall. You must collect all the gold in a level and the game has kind of a western motif. Did you know that armadillos are the official state mammal of Texas?
And finally is this RPG tailor-made for tablet devices. Although it’s just a bunch of turn-based battles with tapping and swiping timed commands. And then you get a bit of story between battles. The artwork is very amateurish, and other tablet RPGs like the Steven Universe one I reviewed a while back are MUCH better. One of the main characters in Fearless Fantasy has a very familiar sounding voice actor, though. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the same guy who voices Robbie from Gravity Falls and the boy twin from How to Train Your Dragon.
Conclusions
And that’s all for now! Thanks for reading my reviews and posting comments on them and my blog. I really appreciate it. And remember to please send someone to rescue me from GlaDOS down here. Preferably someone who is tough and strong…and pretty. Ha ha! Uh oh, here she comes! Don’t tell her what I just said!
OK folks, I’m back to take Cary to his first round of testing. If I could only get him off of the computer. Oh no, now he’s signing me up for an online dating site…and trying to hook me up with other fictional robots. Claptrap? Bender? Tom Servo? Oh no no no no no. Forget the tests, you are out of here! Now go!
Rats, and just when I was starting to have fun! Oh well. Next time on my blog, we’ll do my Cary’s Best Games of the Year 2015 SO FAR Awards Show! Until next time, later! --Cary
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