Staff Blog: What I've Been Playing

What I've Been Playing

On 07/01/2015 at 12:12 AM by Blake Turner

Just in case you this isn't a site you frequent and just type in a bunch of websites beginning with 'p' to hide your shame (it's called incognito mode, bitch!), I feel I should tell you that I, like everyone else on this site, like to indulge in entertainment of the interactive variety. No not that kind of interactive indulgence! Although... no! That was one time in vegas and the swelling in my nipples didn't go down for months!

I'm talking, of course, about video games. You know, those things that Satan imparted upon the world to teach us all how to 9/11? Yeah, those things. I've been playing them, and since this is a blog all about me (and interactive nipple indulgence), I shall share my thoughts on these wonderful products.

Arkham Knight

This game makes me want to do terrible things to infant elephants. Partly because it's simultaneously both as tantilising as Jesus' jubilent juice giblets, and partly because it sucks harder than the children of parents who follow Jesus' jubilent juice giblets.

Seriously, this game is just awful. But it's amazing. It makes me feel a lot of things. Unfortunately, frustration is key among them. The game starts awesomely. Joker's Cremation is one of the coolest intros of any game ever, and the subsequent scarecrow victim P.O.V. is fantastic.

It's directly after that, however, that things become problematic. Pretty much as soon as you become Batman, you are forced into the batmobile for an hour. Now, before I continue, let me discuss what makes Batman a compelling character. It's his mix of kung fu awesomeness and stealthy badassery. It's his damaged mind that leaves him with a very thin line between his moral compass and that of his enemies. And let me tell you, putting me in a car and asking me to shoot unmanned drones is exactly the fucking opposite of that.

After that I went to seek out the riddler challenges, because they were awesome in the previous two games. Well, it turns out The Riddler has become a fucking fast and furious character, because he constantly asks me to hop in a car and engage in street races. What. The. Fuck. Moreover, his challenges that involve racing to save catwoman FORCE you to drive around the entire track to start again if you fail. Which is a key way to make sure people never want to play your game again.

There are other problems too. There's the fact that the narrative is awfully paced, the gameplay is awfully paced, and the game is ridiculously repetitive, something the previous titles usually avoided. However, when it works, it's amazing. It's just unfortunate that that's only about half the experience.

Sound Shapes

Where has this game been all my life? I love it I love it I love it! A platforming game where you collect items to make the music more complex? Brilliant. Also, every world has a different artist and a different artist and a different composer. If you're an indie game connessuier you're in for a treat, because different albums house visual contributions from Capy Games, Superbrothers, and others, while the music has the likes of Deadmau5 and fucking Beck on it's roster. It's utterly fantastic.

The main game is over pretty quickly, although you unlock a super difficult death mode as well as the tools to create your own levels and music. I tell you I must have lost countless hours to this game on that alone! If you own the game let me know! I've been working on a level fow a while now that's almost complete and is kinda metroidvania-ish in structure.

Castlevania: Dracula X Chronicles

Jesus Christ is this game hard! It took a bit of getting used to since it's old school Castlevania and you walk everywhere and have to use up to go up stairs, but good golly gosh is it satisfying! I ended up playing as Maria after I unlocked her so i could run and double jump, and then I forgot the game existed when I UNLOCKED THE ENTIRETY OF SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT AS AN ADDED BONUS! Seriously, that was like the best discovery ever.

And Symphony of the Night holds up surprisingly well. I mean it is basically 2D Dark Souls in many, many ways. And it's stolen a lot of my time.

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/01/2015 at 12:24 AM

I actually really like the Batmobile stuff as well as the narrative pace in Arkham Knight. I have always had a hit and miss relationship with the Riddler stuff though. Shit gets tedious quick.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

07/01/2015 at 07:34 PM

I like the Batmobile stuff too. It is quite fun. It's just that it's WAAAAAAAAAYYYYY overused. And the Riddler stuff has always beenmy favourite parts of those games haha.

07/01/2015 at 08:11 PM

I like it to an extent, but it becomes a chore to find a lot of this shit. I've always had this problem with the Arkham games.

Casey Curran Staff Writer

07/01/2015 at 12:36 AM

I disagree on the narrative, I felt it was paced very well. Couldn't stop playing it, always had to see what happened next. However, Batmobile, I half agree on. The car combat is meh and out of place, they should have just stuck with puzzles and driving for it.

Though I do like the Riddler challenges.What you said on restarting is 100% correct, but I had fun with the tracks and felt like it's in his character to design things around everything Batman has, including the Batmobile. And since he couldn't do that the last two times, he's just overcompensating. Or I'm giving Rocksteady too much credit and it's really them overcompensating. I don't know. But I had fun with the Riddler puzzles and racing.

07/01/2015 at 04:30 AM

I thought the tracks were well designed. I just thought there were too many of them and that Rocksteady needed to shoehorn in what is an inferior method of transport to gliding. And the restarting getting so fucking annoying I threw my controller for the first time since I was like 17.

From the halfway point on Arkham Knight is well paced. Before then, it's a fucking mess and I had to fight to stay interested.

KnightDriver

07/01/2015 at 03:17 AM

Looks like Arkham Knight's Batman doesn't have any interactive nipple indulgence, unlike the forthcoming movie in which he will beat hoards of baddies with nothing but his 3D IMAX nipples. Now that's interactivitiy!

07/01/2015 at 04:27 AM

Dear God, I would actually watch that.

07/02/2015 at 01:39 AM

Coming to a theater near you. It'll knock your eyes out.

Machocruz

07/01/2015 at 04:14 AM

Arkham Asylum is still the best imo, followed by City. They got the balance right.

Please tell me you're just using a screenshot from the web and you are playing the 2D sprite version of Rondo of Blood and not that ugly 2.5 version. I absolutely loathe when 2D games get remade with 3D models (see: Bomberman, Flashback, Bionic Commando: Rearmed). Here's an opinion piece (not mine) that partly explains why:

http://insomnia.ac/commentary/of_genocides_and_reinventions/

07/01/2015 at 04:26 AM

Yeah I'm playing it. You can't unlock Rondo of Blood or SoTN without it. I prefer Rondo, but it's got some nice features and getting 3 games for 5 bucks is something I couldn't pass up.

Yeah AA is still my favourite, but I think AK beats AC by a lot. AC's story in particular is kind of shit apart from the ending. Apart from how the beginning is paced the story is really quite good and extremely fucked up - well, for a post 90s batman work anyway.

asrealasitgets

07/01/2015 at 05:37 AM

I read that the racing parts were shoe horned into the game that otherwise plays like the last one, or Origins but has taller buildings and more enemies or whatever. Aside from Asylum, I have no interest in playing the other games, but maybe I'll eventually try them out.

I have that Castlevania for PSP, and also have Symphony of the Night on PSN. It's pretty rad and a nice stop gap between the DS games which were all pretty excellent.

07/01/2015 at 07:45 PM

Indeed it is! And it was on sale for 5 bucks! PSN is having the "Big in Japan" sale atm. But sales on PSN make me want to cry. This game is 70% off which makes it $20! Fuck you, give me steam back!

Look, all of the arkham games are excellent, which is what makes their flaws super noticable. They're definitely worth a playthrough, and Arkham Knight is MUCH better than City for what it's worth.

07/01/2015 at 08:47 PM

I just enjoyed the Metroidvania style of Asylum more than the open world design of City. I think after Mr. Freeze, in City I just stopped playing and felt I had enough. I wouldn't mind going throug all of the games eventually all at one go like I did with Silent Hill, or Resident Evil recently.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

07/01/2015 at 09:51 AM

we should start a band called "Nipple Cripple"

07/01/2015 at 07:47 PM

Indeed. And all of the vocals could be us screaming in pain while nipple crippling each other.

Ranger1

07/01/2015 at 10:33 AM

Sound shapes looks something I might like. As for the Batman games, I really enjoyed Asylum, far more than I thought I would. I'm so far behind playing these games, though. I just played Asylum back in January and will probably get to City sometime before the end of the summer.

07/01/2015 at 07:41 PM

Give it a go, especially if you like user made content or level editors. What's there is great, but the fanmade levels that the devs make into bundles are the true stars. Some of the creators are insane, and if you do give it a go/make a level, make sure you inform me. I love playing other peoples levels! It's an addiction.

Arkham Asylum is still my favourite, mainly because I adore the metroidvania style of it. The others are good too, and Knight has the best/darkest of the lot. Plus Denethor from LOTR/Walter from Fringe plays Scarecrow. That is always a plus.

mothman

07/01/2015 at 10:36 AM

I played a few hours of Asylum and really enjoyed it. I have City but I somehow got the shit kicked out of me at the beginning. It seemed my attacks were useless and theirs were devastating. Didn't buy Origins even though it can be had for a song these days,

goaztecs

07/01/2015 at 02:23 PM

We had different experiences because I liked the pacing of the game and the use of the Batmobile especially with the various puzzles including the Riddler sidequest. I do agree about how if you fail the Riddler's races you have to continue to the Finishline to be able to start over. I'd rather have a button that resets me at the beginning. It is so freaking frustrating having to go through it just to start over.

jgusw

07/01/2015 at 06:13 PM

Dracula X is hard. I quit it a few years back. I'm a lesser man for not beating it. I'll have to get back on it one of these days.

07/01/2015 at 07:35 PM

Did you at least unlock the original rondo of blood and SoTN? Honestly, I don't blame you, I consider it one of the hardest games I've played. It is so rewarding though!

07/03/2015 at 06:38 AM

Unlocking the extra games was my goal. I hadn't touched it in so long, I don't remember. I know I didn't unlock SotN, so I doubt I unlocked Rondo.

Alex-C25

07/05/2015 at 01:23 PM

I bought Dracula X Chronicles following Ben's recommendation and the fact that they had three games in one UMD. It's a hard game and sometimes very frustrating, but I really liked it. I still need to find the original Rondo of Blood and SotN though.

07/09/2015 at 10:15 PM

Where the fuck is Ben? I miss that guy . Yeah, it can be frustrating but I enjoy how it forces you to get good at evey level. You find sotn in level 3. the secret level 3.

PixlBit