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Earlier in the week, I thought I had missed my chance to see Kevin Smith live by waiting for a friend to go with. Tickets were sold out by the time I checked back the next day, having only heard from a friend who wished he could go. Luckily, one of my Facebook friends posted an article Thursday about what to do in Dallas this weekend. It mentioned a 10:30PM live podcast had been added after the 8:30PM evening with Kevin Smith Q&A. This time, I didn't wait for someone to go with, figuring this was a rare opportunity to see Kevin Smith in person with or without a +1. I bought the $47 ($40+tax) General Admission ticket to the historic Texas Theatre 15 minutes from where I live, where Lee Harvey Oswald was apprehended while watching War is Hell. 

War is Hell may or may not be available for rent at RST Video

Here's how the evening went down: 

- Kevin Smith and Jay Mewes discuss historicity of Texas Theatre. This was one of the funniest parts of the night for me because of Jay's spotty knowledge of the JFK assassination and Kevin giving him shit for it. At one point Jay asks if Lee Harvey Oswald was who shot JFK, prompting an audience member to shout it was the CIA and Kev says "oh look, Oliver Stone's in the building!"

- Kevin renewed a married couples' vows since he is ordained in the Universal Life Church apparently. The vows he had them say were actually the Green Lantern oath. At one point he was talking about the sanctity of the ceremony and interrupted himself to tell Jay "On your knees, bitch!" while Jay was acting as ringbearer. This is the only halfway decent/non-blurry picture I got of them last night:

"Do you vow to hit it and not quit it for the rest of your life?"

The guy (Matt) actually got up there by telling the audience he had tattooed pictures of Kev and Jay on his ass cheeks. When the couple got off the stage post-vows, the audience roared for him to show his ass, prompting Kevin to say that was all a ruse but he was proud of the progressive insistence on public man-ass. 

- Jay and Kev shared hotel and airplane stories involving shit, male hotel masseurs, and arousal-by-backhanding-penal-shaft

- They discussed family life, especially their daughters. Kev joked about not being able to smoke weed like they would in Cali because they arrest people like Willie Nelson here and he's "like the Mayor of Texas." Jay told a story about breast pumps that then led to a story about him farting during sex with his wife. Kevin is a laid-back storyteller, while Jay is cartoonishly animated in the way he acts out his stories.

- They acted out a scene from the upcoming film Moose Jaws which features Jay and Silent Bob after some background on the script, including that Kevin Smith's wife Jenifer is not necessarily a fan of his work.

- Things got a bit more serious as they discussed Jay's sobriety and Kevin thanked the audience for enabling him to do what he does. 

- The show ended with a game of "Let us Fuck" where audience members acted out sex acts with Jay Mewes. These were titled Dallas in Wonderland (everyone got the gun ejaculate/JFK reference; not so much that Mewes was the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland), something about the backhand patdown Mewes had at the airport, and Deep in the Ass of Texas, which Kevin loved and involved audience participation.

My only disappointment was that Kevin Smith didn't know who Dirk Nowitzki was!  He said he only knew hockey for sports ... someone should have yelled Dallas Stars or Mike Modano!

Speaking of Dirk, the American Airlines Center where Dallas Mavericks and Dallas Stars play had a free showing of this movie this past Tuesday:

Like Rocky IV, except Germans who are playing for a Texas team

I love Dirk, but to be honest I was expecting the documentary to be less interesting than it turned out to be. I remember going to games in the 90s when they sucked out loud and tickets were cheap, but I was too young to know a lot of Dirk's history. The movie is as much about Dirk as it is his trainer, Holger, and his mad genius. It's not a fluff piece, as they go over Dirk's essentially being catfished by his once-fiancee (I say it worked out for him, since his wife now is way hotter), Holger's tax trouble (he didn't file for two years, but apparently Dirk wasn't paying him anything to file), and his awkward transition (and hair) coming to America. 

Amusing audience participation: The cheers for Dallas's 2011 championship were as loud as the boos for the 2006 Finals against the Heat often cited as one of the worst-officiated Finals series in NBA history. Also not popular in Dallas: Then-commissioner David Stern.

Then again, there wasn't much audience to participate since this was Tuesday on a school night and the only reason my dad knew about it was an email he got. I'm signed up for the same emails, but I'm surprised I didn't see anything about the event on Facebook, where Dallas Mavericks are one of my liked pages. Worked out in the end though, since they were giving away free small drinks and popcorn. Here's a picture of my older brother after mentioning my mom is a teacher:

Not sure how to rotate this, but he's in the middle.

Just call him popcorn Santa. Most of it actually did end up going to my mom's kids, though we had about four or five bags for ourselves as well. 

I don't have anything planned for tonight but maybe cleaning my room and doing some fitness tests. Then we celebrate mom's birthday tomorrow. It was actually on Wednesday. 

What are you up to?