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 On 12/18/2015 at 11:18 AM by Blake Turner See More From This User » |
I'm starting to think I should stop using my name in puns, because the thought of having a whole month inside me is making me a touch uncomfortable. It's not even discomfort in a physical sense - there are metaphysical concerns that need addressing: what does having a month inside you mean? Is it an internalised manipulation of time that differs from regular external time? Can the two meet and cause a vortex? Can my farts then stop World War 2? These are questions that may not ever be answered, and that may be for the better.
In case you can't tell, it's 3 in the fucking morning. You should be able to tell, because it's the time when the intellectual side of my brain simultaneously needs to prove how intelligent it is while still catering to people who like fart jokes i,e the rest of me at 3 in the fucking morning.
This is a long intro. 9/10 of you will have skipped it, read the titles of the things I've talked about and then tell me my opinion is wrong without even having read it. Jokes on you though, because in it I tell you who your real dad is and why he has always loved me more than you. The answer is because you can't fucking read son! You're fucking shit at it!
Anyway... stuff.
Bloodborne: The Old Hunters
Oh... before I say that, I have a new PS4! Yay! This one has buttons on it and not the stupid sensor things that were stupid and not good. Yay! I also got Bloodborne DLC! Yay! Unfortunately the downside of that is that I didn't cloud save and as such have to start the game over.
Oh No!
But that's okay because you can access the DLC pretty early on.
YAY!
So I jumped in after beating Vicar Amelia. Now, I like to think I'm pretty good at Bloodborne. I've beaten it 3 times now and can comfortably beat the first 4 bosses without breaking a sweat. I thought the new DLC would be a cakewalk. And indeed it was, right up until I met the first enemy. He killed me. In one hit. It was not very nice.
I decided to take a different route and then I realised - these things that are insta-killing me are the trash mobs! So I did what any sane man would do in my situation and ran around and collected every bit of loot I possibly could. I got some fancy clothes and some kind of cleaver that turns into a whip and I left and haven't been back since.
Guild Wars 2: Heart of the Thorny Storm Heroes
There are far too many games that have HoT or HoTS as initials. I mean, there's Heart of The Swarm, Heroes of the Storm, Heart of Thorns, and... really that's about it, but FUCK IT THEY'RE TOO SIMILAR!
Anyway, I've played 600 fucking hours of Guild Wars 2 so you bet your sweet ass I've played the expansion. But fuck it none of you cunts give a solitary sandwich fuck about MMOs so to condense my opinion: new class good, elite specs fun, method of getting them grindy, new area insane and hard and crazy, and melted cheese burns when you put it down your trousers. NEXT!
Jessica Jones
Jesus fucking Christ watch this show! I'm saying this now, this is one of the greatest first seasons of any thing ever. It's creepy, it's dark, it's hilarious, it's sweet, it's fucked up in all the right ways. Just watch it. It's brilliant in ways that I am too sleepy to discuss.
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Anyway, I've prattled on long enough. It is time for sleep. Just do all the things I said in this blog. Well, I only told you to do one thing - join ISIS watch Jessica Jones. Oh, and Grilled Cheese goes in your mouth and nowhere else. Believe me, swelling may make it bigger, but it ain't impressing anyone. Goodnight!
personally, I think your puns are blaketastic. I've been known to make some Snee puns -- on occasion. 
As far as time warping farts, well -- it's not that they're not possible, it's just that they are difficult to aim. You can hope to strike Hitler with one, but you're more apt to stink up Woodrow Wilson. Shit is tough.
I had to google who Woodrow Wilson was. We call him Thomas.
Oh gimme a blake, er, no not starting this again.
Is there a new model PS4 out now? I didn't know that. Funny but I thought you got your original one just a few months ago and then you said it was borked and out of warranty which confused me. I thought they had one year warranties on them.
I'm going to extend the warranty on my PS3 to 3 years soon. Probably pick up a PS4 for my birthday now that I have a real job. Wii U with a 2 TB external first though. I have to play Xenoblade Chronicles X before anything.
Yeah, I didn't know that either. I want real buttons. I also want a fucking restart button.
And Blake, your farts did not start WWII, but they did create my dad, the late Woodrow Wilson. His favorite movie is Birth of a Nation, which, among other political disagreements, is why we don't get along.
I'm glad your Bloodborne DLC experience is going as well as my experience with the core game. I like it when you suffer.
I've got the HoTS for some Blake puns.
I'll watch Jessica Jones over break. Seen first episode, but I'll just marathon it while everyone else is out and about enjoying Star Wars.
I'll put grilled cheese where I damn well please.
Real buttons are a very nice thing indeed. And as I said to Matt, I had to google Woodrow Wilson - proof no one outside of America gives a fuck about America.
Have you made any further progress with Bloodborne?
*sigh*
And fair enough. First ep is creepy. Show gets amazing around ep 8. Good up to there still though.
I've not really played too much more Bloodborne. Too busy dealing with games I can actually make progress in. lol I will eventually play it, but I'm still trying to get that last trophy in Arkham Knight and beat the game on Hard 100%, do a lot of the after-story stuff in GTA V, and hopefully get started on Witcher III.
And yeah, not country/continent really cares about another country/continent's bullshit until it's time to have a political argument about who has the better system.
I bought one preowned so there was only 6 months warranty. On the plus side I traded in my broken PS4 and got $230 for it. Apparently PS4 parts are worth a lot. And fair enough, Xenoblade Chronicles does look tempting, especially after learning that there are gundam robots that are also transformers.
I....cant...stop...laughing.....omgee. Well I want the new expansion for Guild Wars 2 but Im gonna have to wait a time. Maybe soonish down the road I can get it. I think its quiet amusing that you wrote this at 3am your time and Im reading it about 5 mins to 3am my time. Ive put 392 hourts into the Sims 4....so I understand.
Glad you enjoyed my blog. If you start playing GW2 let me know so we can play together. I used to play with Asrealasitgets but I think he either lost interest or I abandoned him to be eaten by a yeti. Or something else terrible. But that shouldn't happen to you.
Darn that Bloodborne screenshot/artshot is sweet!
Wait the PS4 has either a sensor or buttons? I never noticed, I should check to see which one I have. Congrats on the new PS4! Didn't your first PS4 break? Did you sell that one?
I can't get into Jessica Jones. Its like Daredevil where I need to sit through a couple of episodes before I really get into it.
Yeah it does, and the buttons are so much better! Yeah, my ps4 did break and I sold my PS4 for parts to JB Hi Fi and got $230.
Really? Jessica Jones hooked me from the first episode. Daredevil hooked me from the end of the second ep (that fight scene was just that fucking good!) I understand a bit with Jessica Jones though, because it's so damn bleak that it can be offputting.
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