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Please Just Die Nintendo


On 05/23/2016 at 12:22 AM by Blake Turner

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 Please, go the way of Sega and die. Stop making hardware, you're fucking shit at it. Just make games and for the love of fucking god stay away from the internet.

 What brought this on? The fact that to change accounts on 3DS I had to delete everything on the machine - including downloaded games and downloaded game saves. That's ridiculous. I swear though, every time I turn on a Nintendo system I am greeted with a new reason to hate the company - and even more when I hear of them in the news.

 Remember the promised Zelda game that caused a great deal of people to buy the console? That's still coming out on the Wii-U... at the same time as a better version on the new expensive machine because fuck fans.

 Are you a content creator on youtube? Fuck you and die because the only thing Nintendo hates more than free publicity is young people.

 Look... I liked your games. Emphasis on liked. I think the only Nintendo first party game I liked on the Wii-U was Splatoon. The rest are varying degrees of meh. I like Bayonetta 2, and I like Wonderful 101... but Smash Bros? Meh. Mario 3D World? Meh. I can't even remember other games that are on the system because meh. Where's my new fucking Metroid game?

 Fuck Nintendo, end Rant.


 

Comments

Matt Snee Staff Writer

05/23/2016 at 12:25 AM

did you make that image?  that shit is brilliant.  

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/23/2016 at 12:32 AM

Nope. Found it on google.

KnightDriver

05/23/2016 at 01:01 AM

Should be spelled SUKS like the Chick fil A cow would have spelled it.

I really can't believe they're not bringing Zelda out this year. How do they stay relevant with so few big titles?

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/23/2016 at 03:15 AM

No idea. I don't think I've actually touched my Wii-U this year, though I might play through the Metroid Prime games soon.

KnightDriver

05/24/2016 at 01:17 AM

Yeah, those Metroid Prime HD's sound hot. 

VisuaLIES

05/23/2016 at 01:24 AM

I fell out of love with Nintendo since the transition from SNES to N64.  I almost drank their Kool-Aid regarding the "Ultra 64" (cgi quality graphics in realtime!), but they made the mistake of delaying the system to the following Spring (and again to Fall), but I had saved up the money and couldn't wait any longer, so I bought Sony's PlayStation at launch instead--and never looked back.  Well, I did buy a GameCube (for Resident Evil), Wii (mostly for my wife and, well, Virtual Console), and now Wii U (Bayonetta 2) as alternative consoles, but I'm primarily a PlayStation fanboy now.  I was pretty pissed when I heard the Zelda news (and I'm not a big Zelda fan, I just wanted to justify the Wii U purchase), but they did it with Twilight Princess and a bunch of other titles that were moved from Gamecube to Wii, so I'm not the least bit surprised.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/24/2016 at 06:18 AM

I'm mostly the same, though I never bought a wii or a gamecube. I played some Gamecube games at friends houses and it seemed like a great console, so really I guess it went downhill for me with the Wii, though I chalked it up to just not being for me.

 Sony has treated me better over the years, as has PC. Unless the NX does something spectacular I don't think I'll be going back.

asrealasitgets

05/23/2016 at 01:33 AM

I can't imagine people buying new hardware again with the PS4 releasing a new version which already seems to be dividing sony fans. Nintendo trickles games out so slowly that it wont be worth purchasing new hardware from them for at least 2-3 years after launch. So I wont be buying NintendoNX for at least 2-3 years after launch, and only after I upgrade my PC first. Sorry Nintendo, but not this time.

Nick DiMola Director

05/23/2016 at 07:17 AM

Funny enough, most of this stuff just registers in the frustration department for me. What really pisses me off about Nintendo is trying to develop games for them. If you want to experience real anger, give that process a go. I promise these frustrations will seem trivial by comparison.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/23/2016 at 08:14 PM

Yeah... I hesitate to ask how that's going.

mothman

05/23/2016 at 11:01 AM

I haven't run into any of that because I can't think of a reason to change the account on my 3DS in the first place, I've also managed to pick up around 20 games so far. I can't even think of 10 that I'd want for PS4 and while there may be one or two for the Xbone I'd sooner urinate on one than bring it into my house.

Try having your PS3 break, buying a new one and realizing you have to reformat a 750 GB HD full of games and download them all over again. If you don't have cloud saves you're basically screwed for any progress you've made. They don't even just tie the games to your account, they tie them to the hardware too. Yes you can do a backup to an external HDD and then restore it to your newly formatted drive but that process took me over 24 hours to accomplish and I'll never do it again. Plus it requires you tor remember to take backups on a regular basis in case of disaster.

Hands up all of you who back up your console's HDD. Anyone? That convoluted bullshit has carried over to the PS4. 

You're also stuck with a download list that shows everything you've downloaded since the dawn of time regardless of system, cannot be sorted and old videos and demos cannot be deleted. Try navigating a list of well over 1000 downloads when most of it is crap you aren't looking for.

 

BretBaber

05/23/2016 at 01:28 PM

You could just search for the game you want to download instead of looking through that list.

mothman

05/23/2016 at 01:40 PM

After downloading 900 or more games remembering what I've downloaded and might want to play is a bit of a chore and at my age damn near impossible. I couldn't tell you what I did last Monday let alone what games I downloaded 3 years ago.

A simple sorting program and a way to delete ancient demos and old episodes of Qore should not be too much to ask. It should have been there since day one.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/23/2016 at 08:13 PM

 Firstly, Bilby and I share a 3ds. I sold mine because it wasn't needed once Bilby and I moved in together, which means we both have games we purchased on the E-Shop that we'd both like to download and play. But that's not possible, since to change Nintendo ID you have to delete literally everything and create a blood pact with Be'lakor. So if Bilby wants to play a game she's downloaded, she has to delete all of the games I've downloaded as well as their slaves, and get invested enough in Warhammer lore enough to know who Be'lakor is.

I like that list better than Nintendo's which is hidden behind a secret door you have to sell your soul to satan to find. And one that doesn't tell you how long your downloads will take or how much data they'll use.

And then try changing any setting at all on a Nintendo system. It's a nightmare, as is anything regarding the Eshop (well, Wii-U one is okay, but the prices are still too high here so fuck em. $99 for Mario Galaxy? Shove that up your bloated assholes.)

Cary Woodham

05/23/2016 at 06:06 PM

All the game companies have their quirks and quibbles.  Sorry you're having so much difficulty with Nintendo right now.  Currently, Nintendo is one of the few publishers making games that interest me right now.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/23/2016 at 08:06 PM

I have no problem with their games honestly. Nintendo have always made good games. Some interest me some don't. I just hate them as a creator of hardware, and for some of their acts towards their fanbase.

 Honestly, I've had a problem with them since the Wii, though I chalked it up to it just being aimed at a different market. I couldn't play the Wii for more than half an hour before my wrists started aching incessantly. 

 I bought a Wii-U because literally everyone on earth was saying it was the best system of all time, but I bought it and only 3 games interested me really. This isn't Nintendo's fault, I'm not really their demographic. The games I've liked of theirs in the past were usually made by rare, or a Zelda or Metroid title, none of which I've gotten on this console.

 Some more Atlus games would be nice too. On 3DS I'm loving Etrian Oddyssey, SMT, Fire Emblem, and the like, but there doesn't appear to be much like that on the Wii-U which saddens me.

 All that is for naught though. They have barely any idea how the internet works, their systems are unintuitive (especially with options and the like) and downloading things on the 3ds store is annoying as hell since I have no idea how much download it's using or how long it's going to take. I have a lot of little niggles, but they all add up.

Ranger1

05/23/2016 at 09:19 PM

I... Have absolutely nothing to say in the matter, because I haven't bought a Nintendo console since the GameCube. I do have a 3DS, but that's only because Snee didn't want me to feel left out and sent me his old one. I have all of four games for it and I've had it for over a year.

F1r3inth3H0L3

05/23/2016 at 10:41 PM

I agree with your rant. I have only played one game on my Wii-U since I bought it. Online is horrible. Nintendo should only make software...

Homelessrook

05/24/2016 at 07:59 AM

I agree here too. Seems like they are only interested in is putting all their old titles in HD. I thought I would enjoy the Wii U but so far I am really not impressed. I had hope that the new Xenoblade was going to be awesome, it is not, the sound track does not fit and leveling up is a pain in the ass.

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