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Blake's E3 Roundup Thus Far


On 06/15/2016 at 03:04 AM by Blake Turner

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 So, there's been some E3 stuff, and I'm going to talk about it. If you want a better intro than that, think of some vaguely menacing threat that I'd usually concoct and then follow through with it on yourself.

Rise of the Spartan Tomb Raider

Oh yay, we have a new Tomb Raider game. This one seems set in the past, and HOLY SHIT THAT'S KRATOS!

 No, but seriously, what the actual fuck did I just watch? I've heard people saying that this is what will finally get them into God of War. I don't care. Fuck off, we don't want you. Go cry while you cut yourself in a bathtub. This is a series that's all about gore and absolute mindless stupidity. I don't come at you demanding you give mario a chainsaw go ape. I don't come at you saying Lara Croft should be a masked psycho who mass murders people for the sport of it, so don't put emotions in my mass murder simulator. It's that simple. 

 That said, I'll still play this game. I like The Last of Us as much as the next guy, and The Last of Us with an axe? Sign me up.

 Although, could you not name it God of War? Like, add a fucking subtitle or something. God of War: From Trend Setter to Trend Follower. And when you're done making the new subtitle, grab the cunt who suggested turning God of War into a fucking Naughty Dog game and rip his fucking eyes out.

Death Stranding

 I want to ask what the fuck a death stranding is, but I know my answer will probably either nanomachines or "she breathes through her skin." Kojima, I'm sure you have English speakers on your team. Has not one of them told you that Death Stranding is the stupidest fucking title for anything since... Metal Gear Solid? I guess this is payback for our shitty metal acts that take random norwegian words and jam them together because they sound cool.

 Anyway, this looks awesome. I have no idea what it is, but I'm totally down with a naked hippy dude getting a c-section on a beach. Are BP the bad guys here though? Because I might not be so down on oil spills if they turn babies invisible.

Zelda

 

 Haven't watched the footage. Don't care. Nintendo are dead to me.

Dishonored 2

 Wow. The graphics here look exactly like the last game. And it looks terrible. So if it's not running in 60 fps, I am actually going to do something really naughty to   Bethesda.

 Still looks good though. Looks like Dishonored. Emily is The Darkness, now, and it definitely looks like I'll be playing her as opposed the recently Isaac Clarked Corvo.




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 I will talk about more games when I give a fuck. I really only made this blog to criticize God of Bore.


 

Comments

Casey Curran Staff Writer

06/15/2016 at 04:02 AM

CRASH BANDICOOT 

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/15/2016 at 04:38 AM

I didn't have much to add to that other than that his visual design actually makes me feel physically ill.

Casey Curran Staff Writer

06/15/2016 at 03:42 PM

I agree that it's not a great redesign but its not great in a way where I can get used to it. At least, the same way I got used to many Pokemon designs I originally wasn't keen on and now love

Joaquim Mira Media Manager

06/15/2016 at 08:28 AM

Did you enjoy Skyrim?

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/19/2016 at 06:18 PM

The HD Re-release? Sure, mainly because PC users are getting it for free (despite the fact they already have it).

Nicoleb1989

06/15/2016 at 09:28 AM

Im actually into Norse mythos so Im quite excited for GOW4. I can see why it might not be has bloody or crazy has the originals though, I have always found Greek and Norse to differ in the crazy department but thats just me.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/19/2016 at 06:20 PM

Oh I am too. I fucking love Vikings, and Norse culture in general (I've been watching the show vikings, listening to viking and pagan black metal, and trying to find games where I murder peoples faces with viking weaponry for a while now), but I just wish it was an entirely new game and not a God of War game, especially not a weird sequel/reboot like this.

goaztecs

06/15/2016 at 11:02 AM

God of War! For me everything else I can wait on. 

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/19/2016 at 06:20 PM

I don't know man, there were some cool fucking games at E3.

asrealasitgets

06/15/2016 at 11:18 AM

Yes. Emily is Darkness now. Pretty cool. It does mosltly feel too much like the first game, except for a name change to the location. The time travel gimmick is interesting.

As for Zelda, I've already expressed my feelings about open worlds and how I don't want everything to be an open world. As much as I liked watching gameplay of new Zelda, it did look largley empty, and I had hoped that Nintendo would have imitated Witchers more populated open world instead of Skyrims empty one. 

What did you think of Resident Evil 7? It seems the entire game will be a first person horror experience like Outlast or Amnesia as the director of the game mentioned these types of game when interviewed and said he was frustrated that he didnt have guns in these games. So Amnesia with guns? Also, people experiencing it with VR say it works well, so VR RE?  

God of War feels too much like a reboot. The whirly blades is what made that game fun for me. I don't know about that axe. It felt kind of slow. It did have a very souls boss feel, and actually Zelda feels a bit soulsy too. You can walk to whatever you see far in the distance and the opening area feels like Majula.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/19/2016 at 06:15 PM

I'm doing an E3 series with the first entry going up today and I'll be talking about RE7 tomorrow. I played the demo and I have some mixed feelings about it honestly.

  I will study Zelda a bit more because I actually liked what I saw which surprised me. It gave me a team ico feel for some reason which made me super happy. 

 Right? I mean, I'll still play the new GoW but idk man. I want mr morally wrong murder face to murder some faces, not be a dad. I heard the kid is with you the whole way, and that just feels wrong. Hopefully it does prove me wrong, but I wasn't as hyped as I should have been.

asrealasitgets

06/21/2016 at 12:06 AM

I've heard a few podcast discussing zelda and how nintendo is late to the open world table, but they also will give us their take on open world which will be unique and different, okay, I'll have to wait and see. I liked Links little ipad thingy where he was downloading apps from all those mini dungeons. I watched a lot of the gameplay and it felt alot like Inquisition honestly, but I hope it doesnt pepper the map with objective points and give you lame, boring items to collect. Like I said before, I want Nin to borrow from the best open world examples, and not the worst, like cheaply padding the game experience.

I've enjoyed all of the God of War games, as purely just fun. I liked the mythology too. I'll give this new game a chance, but I got Tomb Raider vibes from it, I don't know?

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/21/2016 at 01:16 AM

I want to see how Nintendo approach it. What I saw reminded me a lot of MGSV/Far Cry 2 in that it seems more of a system driven sandbox with tons of mechanics that play off each other rather than a sightseeing tour. I'm down for that.

asrealasitgets

06/21/2016 at 02:38 AM

and about RE7 demo,

Im enjoying people loose their shit on twitch trying to solve, or at least find evidence of a hidden puzzle. I've seen people do everything from change options setting numbers in the  system menu to match number combos in the game to take the axe and hit every damned wall in that house. There are also different ghost girl sightings depending on certain actions. It's all very meta and I'm not sure if it's intentional or not? It's fascinating to see a community build around this thing. I missed out on PT since I didn't have a ps4 at the time, but I'm enjoying watching the craziness this time and I'm having fun! 

KnightDriver

06/16/2016 at 01:40 AM

If I can't swing a chain blade around my head and decapitate an Ogre, I will be mad. 

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/19/2016 at 06:16 PM

Right? GoW combat is still a hell of a lot of fun, though I've actually been googling "games where I kill shit with a viking axe" due to watching vikings, so I may enjoy this. I'm worried about the kid tagging along for the whole game. He doesn't seem anywhere near interesting enough to carry a game.

KnightDriver

06/20/2016 at 01:24 AM

There was some speculation on a podcast I listen to that the game might fastforward some years and then you play as the kid grown up.

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