Man, it's been a while since I've done a proper update blog. It's been even longer since I've written anything even approaching article quality. The last thing was maybe my Plus10damage Bloodborne review... at the beginning of 2015. Christ. Well, one of my new years resolution is to actually publish an article to the front page rather than finishing a first draft and then shelving them for no apparent reason.

 Mental Health wise... things haven't been so great. The new meds have helped with my depression somewhat, but my anxiety has sky rocketed to the point that I'm often in bed rocking back and forward. I'm also having other side effects that are problematic but maybe a bit too heavy to relay to you guys. I don't want to be one of those guys who gets super t.m.i. and heavy and makes people feel uncomfortable reading my blogs. I know I feel a bit weird when people get super personal, so I totally understand.

 Anyway, let's talk about something less personal and uncomfortable.

I HAD TO SHIT IN THE WOODS

 I had to shit in the woods. Yes. T.M.I as fuck, I know, but I feel this is one of those few times I really lived up to my "aussie" status and kind of feel obligated to tell you this story. So, Bilby and I were on our way to Grafton, which is about a 5 hour trip from where we live. We stopped in at a McDonalds about halfway there, and I had one of their horrific coffees that literally gives orphans ebola. There was my first mistake. My second mistake was not realising that there were no toilets between my current location and my destination.

 So I was driving along, minding my own business when I suddenly realised I had never had to shit so badly in my entire life. I drove for about 10 minutes, hoping to god I could find a toilet. I was sweating profusely, my eyes were wide and on the verge of tears. Eventually Bilby told me to pull over before my bowels caused a catastrophic accident. I pulled over, grabbed out some tissues and found a spot out of site of the road to... um... do my business. Midway through I realised that while I was out of view of the road, I was in full view of a farmhouse and hoped to god no one walked out the front door.

 Fortunately, no one did, but I soon realised my next mistake: there was only 4 tissues. That was not nearly enough for something conjured up by archdemons of capitalism and food shaped cardboard, so I half pulled up my pants and rushed back to ask Billby if there was anything I could use. To my dismay, there were only a handful of shopping receipts and an oily rag...

 I may have received a paper cut.

GAMES

 So, um, let's talk about something you actually maybe want to hear about huh? So I've been playing a few games lately. Key among them are Fire Emblem: Birthright, Dishonored 2, All the fucking Tales of series, and Grim Dawn.

 We'll start with Fire Emblem because holy shit it's amazing! No seriously, this is like 10x times better than awakening - especially in terms of plot and difficulty. It's still a bit too easy (I've heard conquest is the hard one), but it's also a lot more fair. In Awakening, it often felt like there were times where I would just lose someone because of some arbitrary bullshit that totally wasn't my fault, whereas this time around it feels like when I lose someone it was because I was an idiot or I got cocky.

 The story is much more interesting this time around, as you are basically reverse Theon Greyjoy. As a child, you were kidnapped by Fantasy Hitler and locked in a magic tower. It's totally okay though, because the rest of your family are totally awesome and super nice. Which kind of sucks when you inevitably get taken back to your biological family of saints who love you sincerely despite you having no real memories of them, as your adopted family (Apart from King Adolf) are really confused as to why you betrayed them, since they think murdering random people and breaching peace treaties is what families do to bond.

 But god, my emotions! I have to kill some really nice, innocent characters simply because their Dad is satan incarnate, and it hurts right in heart thing.

 So Dishonored 2 is like Dishonored 1 but with a worse plot. It makes up for it though by having LITERALLY THE BEST LEVEL DESIGN IN GAMING. Seriously, an immersive sim this is in every sense of the word. While the plot isn't nearly as strong, the team have surpassed themselves in terms of worldbuilding. The maps are so crammed with detail and fun to explore that you would swear that they were made by actual Looking Glass Studios or even Irrational at their peak.

 Unlike the last game, I've decided to just improvise every scenario and not care about playing non-lethally. Man, does that make a lot of difference. It's a lot less challenging, but it's also a lot more fun! My favourite thing to do is to knock people out and then throw them out a window onto their friends and leg it. I may also be a psychopath.

  I've been playing far too many of the Tales of games. I played and completed Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Hearts R, and quit half way through Tales of Zestiria because it's fucking garbage. Well, it would actually be one of the best in the series if the camera could actually show me what the fuck was happening in battle scenes! I know you want to make your transitions more seemless, but when I lose a boss fight because the camera is literally stuck in a wall and I can't get it out, you've done fucked up.

 Anyway, Abyss is my favourite. I love the Kingdom Hearts-esque art style, and the battle system is maybe the best in what I've played of the series. I've heard I really need to play Vespiria though. Tales of Symphonia is like the FFVII of the series in that it's good, but people won't shut up about it so you go in with inflated expectations that aren't met. It's still really really fucking good though. Some of the puzzles are annoying though. I just want to punch shit, this isn't fucking Zelda!

Tales of Hearts R is quite good, even if they totally stole a song from Persona 4.  It's not exact but it sounds way too close to a certain song from it for comfort. The thing that really makes the game is how much customization you can give your characters. The levelling system is quite in depth and really fun to play with. Some of the characters are annoying as fuck though.

Grim Dawn

 Finally, Grim Dawn. It's a Diablo. A really good Diablo. Maybe the best Diablo since the turn of the Millenium, which is saying something given how incredible Path of Exile was. It's exceptionally atmospheric, and it's not a fucking Cakewalk like most modern examples of the genre. I've actually died in this game, which is incredible.

 One thing I like is that 15 hours in, I'm still discovering new mechanics. I'm still discovering new ways skills can fit together and compliment each other. And I'm still finding exploding, fiery, ragdolls entertaining as hell.

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 There it is, first real blog of 2017 bitches! There's other stuff I wanted to talk about but this blog is long enough as is so I'll just go through quickly: Reading the Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb and loving it. Fantasy that can be dark but isn't defined by it's darkness. Robin is really great at characterisation especially, and crafting interesting relationships and dynamics. Listening to Run the Jewels 3 and Danny Brown's Atrocity Exhibition. The former is just an excellent and fun hip hop album that is a touch more political than the previous two albums while the latter is an excrutiatingly honest look into chemical dependency with some of the weirdest hip hop beats I've ever heard.