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 On 03/16/2017 at 03:53 AM by Super Step See More From This User » |
Watched La La Land with a friend yesterday afternoon (I'm still awake) and it hit my feely feels harder than any of the Oscar Best Picture Nominees of 2016 I've seen thus far (see my previous blog for details). This is because it reminded me of the dreams I had as a kid of working as actor/director/writer in Hollywood or a stand up comedian and the fact none of those dreams have been realized.
Now I'm not sad all that hasn't happened (yet; never say never, and I'm only turning 27 next week) and just to point this out: I have been paid to do stand up comedy. It was $100 for coming in 2nd place of 3 people during a pre-Easter Break event at the university barely anyone showed up for, but I earned that $100. In fact, I'd done stand up several times before then for the same event, and while that was the only time I won money, I have always received compliments from strangers. MMMmmmmm strangers' compliments ...
Anyway, I'm not sad that I'm not a mega-successful movie star at 27 (though I have far fewer excuses not to be YouTube famous); after all, I'm a media professor getting paid to teach people about social media, media history, writing, and media production. While my first year teaching may have spiraled me into a year-long episode of major depression and some first-semester students I had still look at me like I'm the devil, it's a good gig. Anything media is more work than people not in it assume, but it's nothing to complain about on paper when you aren't suffering a chemical imbalance.
But while I'm content where I am, there are some scenes in La La Land that really spoke to me. Like all of the ones where I wondered how in the hell two broke people were doing all of that in L.A. and how Ryan Gosling somehow never gets evicted on a club pianist's salary. The movie was loudly telling me "I KNOW YOU"RE NEARING 30 BUT CALM DOWN MR. SPORT COAT, IT'S A MOVIE! JUST GO WITH IT, SHIT!"
The movie also spoke to me when the two main characters are about to make decisions based on the idea their dreams were filled with pipe. Half-pipe? Plumbing pipe? Hash pipe? Who knows, but their dreams were decidedly of a pipe-related nature in their minds. And I've ... made a lot of decisions that value my comfort and safety above any real sense of risk or ambition. It's not a bad thing necessarily. I think my ability to save money and keep myself out of trouble has been a net positive in my life. But if I really want to have the success I want in life, at some point I have to stop being the kid who waited until the Red Sox won a World Series to give his crush of four years a love letter, via a friend who was in her class (didn't work by the way). I am the embodiment of the excuse "now is not the right time for me," and the fact I've already more or less agreed to stay where I am for another year speaks to that.
My fear of failure gets in the way way too often and is not only the reason I horde money like a mother effer in real life and will grind the hell out of a video game savings account, trying to only spend virtual cash if I'm forced to (I've gotten better about this in virtual realities because I realize the game is more fun when I just buy the upgrade once I have the cash ... real world repercussions of not eating or sleeping comfortably don't exist in that realm, so why not?), but the reason I never really INVEST real life money in anything and have internalized my mom's Murphy's Law levels of concerns about new ventures.
The movie itself ends on a happy, but more complicated and real than "they rode off into the sunset happily ever after" note. It doesn't shy away from the fact so many never actually make it in Hollywwod, and when it does happen sometimes it's an overnight one-hit-wonder success that was 10 poverty-stricken years in the making. That possibility is never going to stop driving my decisions on some level.
However, while the songs were not the most memorable I've ever heard and the vocals/lyrics were sometimes garbled to me, and I still don't LOVE jazz, there was an overwhelming sense of ambition and joy present in every scene I want to at least aim for in my life. After experiencing what I felt was a huge failure in my first semester teaching and the insane sense of doom and despair that came from the resulting chemical imbalance thereafter, I feel oddly more steeled to face failure. That means I've become more open to risk and being ambitious enough to try before being 100% certain I'll make the mark.
More than any other movie from last year, La La Land made me take a good hard look at myself. I felt so inspired that I saw the Cheesecake Factory next to the movie theater, thought to myself "I never go to Cheesecake Factory; they just aren't close enough to me" and had beer, pasta and key lime cheesecake, feeling my pants about to choke my waist on the gaseous drive home. This is after doing none of the things I told myself I would do over Spring Break to keep myself on the right track health and work-wise.
But dammit, the movie did what great movies should do: Not only make me feel a connection with people, make my heart flutter and entertain me, but inspire me to do better ... tomorrow!!
(Which will be today, since it's 3 a.m. CST ... I told myself I'd work out every day, eat healthy, get grading and lesson planning done and sleep early for an early rise ... you can guess what's happened with all that so far.)
P.S.
The REAL goal is to marry Emma Stone.
Emma Stone IS hot.
As u know, I focus most of my time working on MY dream of being a writer. But the thing is, I've had multiple careers over my working life, and none of them did it for me, in fact, I was miserable. Now I feel great. I might not ever be successful, but I'm doing what I love, and that's what's important.
As long as you're happy, moms happy.
Soo you're saying that if the Red Sox win again you're going to give Emma Stone that love letter? 
It sounds like you had one of those moments while watching La La Land where you question whats going on with your life. I like to think we've all had that moment, and sometimes things don't go the way that they wanted. You could make a play to try and achieve those goals, or go for new goals. I think today we have a lot more options and freedoms to test the waters on something we want to do while keeping a 9 to 5. Kick fear in the nuts and try something new. Hit up a club during an open mic night. Also spend that money in the video game world. Upgraded weapons is lot more interesting than trying to grind with basic gear.
You know I don't think I have ever eaten a cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory.
I mean now they've become another Yankees-like player, so no. Maybe if the Rangers win ...
I have done open mics. The reason I'm not launching a let's play channel is our slow ass internet.
Interesting ... I mean they're great, but $8-9 is still way too expensive.
the other thing is, you might not be an actor/writer/director in hollywood, but what's stopping you from doing that in Texas? There's always a way to follow your dreams.
That's what i meant with the y outube comment. As for what's stopping me from being an actor: lack of nepotistic connections.
My favorite thing at Cheescake Factory is the fried macaroni and cheese balls. Cheesecake Factory is kind of expensive, though.
I don't know who Emma Stone is.
My goal is to marry...hm, I don't know. Who should I marry? :)
It is. Hence why we don't normally go.
You should marry a NY cheesecake.
I talk to my friend Sean all the time and mention how I wish we'd done something with our comedy back in high school. He said to me he thought we'd dodged a bullet by not doing it. Seems a tough life in that Hollywood.
Either is a possibilty. You would definitely have been broke the first few years if people like Patton Oswalt are to be believed.
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