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Shmups – or shoot em ups for you uncultured swine – is a genre where you shoot things. You also avoid things. It's kind of like Undertale's pacifist battles, except for a full game. The genre has seen a resurgence, especially on pc. After Cave released some of the best the genre has to offer, the store flooded with unique titles. This list aims to cover the obscure ones, as well as some for beginners to try.

Here's a warning though: Most of these games come from Japan, and therefore feature sexual, disturbing, or just batshit crazy things that may drive off the more conservative gamer.

With that out of the way, let's start with some beginner titles

Deathsmiles

Deathsmiles is a rather good entry point to the side scrolling shmup genre, and it's by far the easiest of Cave's shooters. Don't get me wrong, it'll still kick your ass if you're new to the genre, and rising to the top of the leaderboards will require mastery of all of the games systems. However, for those new to the genre it's a great starting point.

I personally think there are three important things to look for in a shmup: gameplay, soundtrack, and artstyle, and this game is a win on every count. The artstyle is reminiscent of a Castlevania game on crack, the soundtrack is upbeat and really helps get you get in the zone, and the controls are as tight and smooth as a lubed up horse cock.

After that statement probably isn't the best time to say this, but the girls are all very young and sexed up. We're talking 11-17 – and yes, it actually gives you their age. So... maybe be careful on that front.

Mushihimesama

After you finish Deathsmiles, it's time to up the difficulty with this horizontal shmup. It's a lot more difficult as it is more of a bullet hell title than Deathsmiles is, but you can put into practice a lot of things you learned from that title.

It has a great artstyle based heavily on insects, and the girls seem a little older and less sexed up (not by much, but I appreciate the effort) so you still have to be careful who you play most of these games around.

Mecha Ritz: Steel Rondo

Maybe the easiest shmup you can find, I finished this title without dying. It constantly rewards you with shields, weapon upgrades, and other useful things so you should be able to get a fair way into this title if you're new to the genre.

The artstyle is probably the biggest selling point – it's a glorious mix of anime tropes and faux wireframe almost. It's odd, but it really works in the game's favour.

Crimzon Clover WORLD IGNITION

Now this is my personal favourite on the list because it's the first game I ever 1cc'd. That basically means you finish without a continue, and that's the only way to truly rise to the leaderboards in these titles.

It's insane, it's difficult, but you have options. There's an easy mode which feels like the normal mode of most games, but you also have abilities to negate some of the intense parts. These a par for the course, but the way Crimzon Clover handles them is better than most games I've seen. You have the standard button to make your ship slower for precise, bullet dodging techniques. You have a bomb that destroys most enemies, does a ton of damage, and best of all, destroys any projectiles coming your way.

The game is just satisfying in all accounts. If you like your games loud, explosive, and adrenaline pumping, this is the game for you.

Now we move onto the more obscure titles. Prepare your butts, it's about to get weird.

Deep Space Waifu

The name alone should signal that this isn't your ordinary shmups. In fact, it's basically a sex game. That said, it actually handles the topic surprisingly well. Your level select is basically tinder, where you swipe to either tell a bish to fuck off, or come over and fuck you off. And... it only gets weirder from there.

You play as a man with a leopard head or mask on a hover bike or something. As far as I can tell, your fighting the fucked up thoughts in your head or trying to last longer while you shoot down phallic shaped “space ships” and shoot off the clothes of your current lover while also trying to make sure she's satisfied and you don't fucking die.

I actually like this game, but I'd recommend choosing carefully who you show this title to. I got it on steam two days ago for 50c. It's up for as long as the halloween sale is on, but even if you miss it, it's pretty cheap for full price.

Cho Aniki series

So you thought the last game was weird? You ain't seen nothing yet. While these titles aren't the best in the genre, the gameplay is still serviceable. That's not why you're here. You're here to fight men in bikinis who fight you with their robot cocks.

I don't really think I need to say any more.

Touhou Series (6-15)

For those in the know, the Touhou series is definitely one of the highlights of the genre. It's a standard horizontal, and the games don't look too amazing (indie niche budget definitely shows), but they are still coherent in their art style, have an amusingly tongue in cheek story, and they play exceptionally well.

You may need to download an engrish patch for some of these titles though, as not all have been translated.

Samidare: Early Summer Rain

This Game is so obscure there are no pics on google.

This title is a lot like Touhou, except you drink beer and fight food. I'm not joking. It's amazing. As far as I know it's not been released here so you have to download it here: http://www.vocaloidotaku.net/?/topic/201-touhou-game-downloads/

You can also get the Touhou series there if you're that way inclined.

Neo Geo Heroes: Ultimate Shooting

 To improve my cred, this next game is only available on PSP, and it's not available in the west. Which means you'll have to import it or use an emulator. PPSSPP is the best one, though I would highly advise owning the game first, as Piracy is still a dick move. Still, importing rarer titles for a dead system might be costly so I won't judge you too harshly.

Now, this is a game for all you nostalgia baked nerds: This lets you play as characters from your favourite SNK games, and shoot characters from your favourite SNK games.

Go here for a full list of the characters you can play as: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neo_Geo_Heroes:_Ultimate_Shooting

This is a really good Shmup, and it's SNK so you fucking know they nailed the aesthetic and soundtrack. Anything else I can say should be obvious. SNK games are among the best in any genre they try. Just play this shit.

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And that's it for now. I may have to revisit this at some later point as there are a lot of Shmups I missed.

But for now, I love you. I'm going to play the fuck out of Mushihimesama.