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My Grandfather on my Mother's side of the family died this morning at 4am. He spent this week in the hospital and we have all been by his side as often as possible, day and night. The medical staff worked hard to prolong his life and have made him and us as comfortable as possible. Eventually he began failing critically, there was nothing left to do. He has been suffering the last several years with any number of illnesses including emphysema. He was a lifelong smoker and had recently quit a few years ago, but it was too late. I use to smoke cigarettes as well, it was a habit all my friends and I picked up in high school. I quit smoking two years ago because of the pain I saw it causing my Grandpa, and one by one I've been inspiring my friends and cousins to quit smoking. Anyways, Grandpa was moved to the hospice wing in a much bigger and more comfortable room where he could have his whole family with him till the end. He was unresponsive and unable to breath on his own so his respiration was aided and he lasted a few days before he peacefully died this morning and his bodily systems shut down for good.

His name was Norbert Watkins. He was an avid fisherman, retired soldier, construction worker, father of 7 children, and he left behind an empire of grandchildren and great-grandchildren who have more good memories of him than you can shake a stick at. It's been a very rough week for all of us, having to loose him. This is the first major death in the family I've had to deal with in my life. I've never lost a cousin, sister, parent, grandparent, etc, till now. I tried hard to write this blog yesterday when he was still alive but I couldn't stop crying all day long and I was more likely to collapse on the floor than type out a blog. I've spent the last few days crying and mourning him, but this morning is a new day. My heart is still pumping warm oxygenated blood to my body, my brain is still running the show, the Earth is still spinning on its axis, and new stars are constantly being born out in the nebulae of the universe. It's time to celebrate his life and remember that death is inevitable, but staying positive and celebrating life is a choice.

My nephews and nieces have been taking the loss hard, and these are the kinds of things I've had to remind them of. There's no better day to be alive than today, no matter how much you suffer. The violent cosmos that surrounds us, and the violent planet that we live on, constantly finds ways to kill us whether it's the vacuum of space, the blast of a supernova, disease, evolving viruses, poisons, fire, water, radiation, gamma ray bursts, asteroids, carnivorous predators, and anything else you can imagine. Even though this universe is so hostile, imperfect, and dangerous, it's still beautiful, and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I couldn't be happier than to wake up on this little blue marble in the middle of nowhere. Suffering is common to all, but remaining optimistic and positive isn't common to all. It's a choice, so make the right choice, and meet the rising sun, the moon, and rain with a smile while you have the chance. We are all star children, everything we are made of was born at the heart of exploding stars.

"The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you." - Neil Tyson

"Recognize that the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life. So that we are all connected to each other biologically, to the earth chemically and to the rest of the universe atomically. That’s kinda cool! That makes me smile and I actually feel quite large at the end of that. It’s not that we are better than the universe, we are part of the universe. We are in the universe and the universe is in us." - Neil Tyson

Grandpa Watkins was the man that first taught me how to hold a fishing pole and cast the line out into the water. He taught me lessons in patience. He knew that it was okay to catch nothing, because when you eventually do, it'll be all the sweeter. It's okay to watch the wind blow the trees, and see the water break on the rocks. As long as he could have his family together and be able to spend the day out on the lake fishing, he was happy. Before he became too weak to move, we took him out fishing one last time a couple months ago and had a barbeque on the lake. He had the time of his life. He caught more fish that day than he could ever carry. He got out on his boat and sailed the lake, carrying his oxygen tank, fishing poles, and letting the water soak his pants.

He was the kind of sociable man that made sure he knew everybody. When people came into his house he always got up no matter how weak he was, and wanted to get you a drink. These last few months he has been in an out of the hospital as well as doctors appointments. I would often drive him around to his appointments and spend the day with him. He always wanted to be 20 minutes early, and he always had to talk to all the people in the office, especially the ladies. He was easy to please, and he was a very gracious man that always let people know he appreciated their hard work and effort. He never complained a day in his life. Sure he flipped off teenagers and cursed like a sailor when he felt like it, but Grandpa never complained about his plight in life or how little money he had to his name. He worked construction all his life, and even when people begged him to retire, he wanted to keep digging up Earth and building new things. This week when he was in the hospital dying, he spent the entire time taking jabs at the staff, making them laugh, and thanking them all the way up until till the moment he became unresponsive and couldn't speak or move. No matter how much he suffered, he never seemed scared, bitter, or unappreciative.

He loved his cats, and since he couldn't bring his cats into the hospital he brought in a stuffed animal cat that was colored black and white just like his cat Sylvester. He died with the stuffed cat in his right hand. Last night before I left the hospital and he died, the last thing I did was hold his hand and give him a hug. I hug everybody. He couldn't speak, move, or respond in any way, but I still got to say goodbye to him the way we always do. He knew what made him happy and he filled his life with it. He made his own meaning for life, he generated his own motivation, he loved everybody, he didn't let people tell him what to think or believe in, and he died happy. His body may decay, but the atoms that make up his body and all the matter he's composed of will transform, nourish the soil, the animals, and life of our planet. His time to wander the Earth is passed, but the cycle of life itself will continue thanks to him not only because of the atoms and chemicals of his body, but because of the humble empire he left behind to remember him by.

Farewell Grandpa, you were a good egg