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This arcade oddity is bizarre, hilarious, and not good

Released in 1988 right on the heels of Castlevania II, Haunted Castle was the first Castlevania arcade game made by Konami (believe it or not, a second arcade game was released in 2009 entitled Castlevania: The Arcade). The game features Simon Belmont on a quest to vanquish Dracula and save his bride. There are six levels in total. Simon will start out in the outdoor Transylvania countryside and make his way into the castle courtyard, and then into the castle (which includes hallways, dungeons, clocktower, a long bridge, and then Dracula’s chamber).

First of all, the opening is hilarious! Simon has apparently just been married. He and his bride are walking away from the church (in the background) with the wedding march sounding when all of a sudden Dracula appears in the sky, snatches the bride away, and gives a snarky laugh. Simon is left standing there in his white tux (bro!) with his fists clenched in anger. The next second he’s in his vampire killer get-up. He must have had it on underneath his white tux, which he ripped off (I wish they showed that part LOL).

The game plays exactly as you would expect. Simon walks with a very casual and awkward stride. He can attack with his whip, jump, and use a sub-weapon. Your main weapon will be upgraded later in the game to a mace and then a sword (yes, way before Symphony of the Night did it). Sub-weapons include the torch, dynamite, boomerang, the cross, and the pocket watch. You’ll discover that the watch is the most valuable of these weapons since the enemies are so annoying and Simon’s slow movement makes it impossible to dodge anything most the time.

This game is bad—I mean really bad. For starters, the level design is cheap. Level 1 has a section where blocks move horizontally across the screen and you have to dodge or hit them to survive. Getting hit once will take half your life! Two hits and you’re dead. I’m sure this is because this was an arcade game and they want you to put in more coins to keep playing. Should you die later in level 1, you’ll start at the beginning of the moving block section (not after). Also, the bats in this game are very tiny and therefore really hard to hit. Also, Simon’s jump is useless at certain points because it’s not high enough, such as in level 2, where you must jump over some rolling rocks—I’m convinced you can’t jump over them, which means you have to get hit. Level 6 has you crossing a bridge that’s collapsing behind you while occasionally attacking bats that fly at you—this is extremely aggravating as Simon moves slower than a paralyzed snail and must stop every time he attacks. To make all of this worse, there are NO health items in the game at all.

The game also has plenty of weird things. In level 4, you’ll see coffins (your standard vampire coffins), but instead of vampires, mummies will come out of them. Okay, maybe that’s not too unusual. But then later, eyes will appear on the wall and spit out eyeballs that will bounce around the room. Level 3 has a moment when you enter the “mirror dimension” and fight 3 harpies, then you go back to the real world (this never happens again). And to top it all off, the second phase of the final boss is a giant face which sits in the left corner of the room and then melts when you defeat it. It’s actually really funny.

The game’s bosses include Medusa, a skeleton snake, a knight made out of….cardboard I think? Also, a rock golem, Frankenstein’s monster, and Dracula, of course. As usual, these bosses are really cheap. Their attacks are usually too fast to dodge or are placed in such a way that you can’t dodge them. The only way to defeat them is to make sure you have enough life and wallop on them, or use that handy dandy pocket watch. However, the Dracula fight at the end is so pathetically easy that it’s underwhelming. His attacks are literally above Simon’s head, so just don’t jump and you’ll be fine. Then the giant face sits in the corner, so just jab it a bunch of times and that’s that.

The graphics are far superior to what we’ve seen thus far in the series since this was an arcade game. At times they’re ugly (like in level 4, which is a very brown and drab dungeon), but there are also some pretty cool visuals—in level 2, you will see the castle in the background (and it looks very mysterious and ominous). Also, level 3 has you walking down a long hallway filled with portraits (lots of portraits of Dracula, that narcissist!). One of these portraits is a woman with a bloody tear coming down her face, which is probably the coolest image in the game. The enemies look fine (I suppose at the time they probably looked amazing).

Finally, the music is pretty good (this IS a Castlevania game, after all). Level 1 and level 6 are stand-outs, but they also bring back Bloody Tears for level 3, which is great. The reason for this is probably because one of the game’s composers—Kenichi Matsubara—worked on the music for Castlevania II. I suppose the music is about the only saving grace of this game, because just about everything else is abysmal. Unfortunately, I think this strange footnote in Castlevania’s history is nothing more than an exercise in frustration.

Final Verdict—2 Stars: Not Worth It

This is arguably the worst Castlevania game ever made (which is saying something considering those atrocious Game Boy games). However, it’s a curious oddity for sure, so you might want to check it out if you’re a big fan of the series. It’s currently available on the Playstation Store and Nintendo Switch eShop for just a few dollars. Thanks for reading, guys, and have a Happy Halloween!