PixlBit

I’ve been meaning to write about this movie for years. But for the life of me I never got around to it. I usually ended up picking a different movie/TV series to speak on despite this movie finding its way into my Blu-ray player during the octoberween months. I’ve finally decided to speak of it now because it’s about time I shine a light on this stupidly named movie.

Based on the novel, yes there was a novel, it tells the tale of the life of Abraham Lincoln though not in the way one would expect. Instead of it being you’re typical biographical of the life and times of the 16^th president of the United States, it instead tells the tale of his secret life as a “vampire hunter”.

The movie plays out as a retelling by Lincoln himself at his seat in the oval office as he’s writing his “secret life” from beginning to end. The story roughly mirrors the life one would know when it comes to Abraham Lincoln, though some “creative liberties” have been taken. The best example is how his mother died, from the bite of a vampire, and his means to claim revenge against the creature years later only to almost die by the vampire’s hands before being rescued by Henry Sturges. Henry would later take the young Abraham under his wing, tell him about the existence of vampires and train him in how to combat them. Though given a choice of various exotic firing irons to take on the unholy beasts, Abraham decides to use a simple axe given his background as a “rail splitter”.

From there his path follows like what’s been known to the history books. Studies to become a lawyer, runs for political office, all the while hunting down vampires by the order of Henry till he comes to the attention of the vampires down in the south who learn of his exploits. It’s from there Abraham learns of the “real” reason why there’s slavery in the South and why the Confederacy later wants to win the Civil War so badly.

The movie not only takes several liberties with the story of Abraham Lincoln, it also doesn’t exactly follow the story to the novels either. Usually this is a big no-no for me when it comes to movie adaptations from novels. Yet oddly for me I found it quite enjoyable seeing how they went a different direction with the movie than what’s written in the book. It made for a different story that was just more enjoyable than what has been written to page. I was even able to ignore some of the vampire lore mistakes I would normally find upsetting in other modern takes on vampirism. There’s no excuse or reason to accept that somehow vampires evolved to withstand sunlight, a vampire’s bite can either kill you/turn you depending if you’re “pure of heart or a corrupted soul” yet I took it as gospel when normally I’d be calling foul.

Some say that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter should’ve gone the parody route instead of playing it straight and serious like an actual autobiography. Personally I thought that would’ve been a terrible mistake given the gravity of the source material. The movie plays its themes hard when it comes to the Civil War and playing on the hidden meanings on the fighting for the “soul of the nation” and “all men being slaves” as well as how they handle the death of Lincoln’s own son. Something I’m not sure any parody could make fun of as easily unlike other vampire movies like “Dracula: Dead and Loving it” or heaven forbid “Vampires Suck”. Even the Civil War scenes are played well to show the horrors of war and what would happen if vampire confederate troops ever took to the battlefield at Gettysburg.

Since the movie playing itself serious it includes the horror and action one would expect when it comes to a vampire movie. There are beheadings, buckets of blood, slow-mo action sequences that make you believe that a young Abraham Lincoln could stand toe to toe among other legendary vampire hunters in stories and cinema like Van Helsing and Blade. Unlike the book the movie actually goes as far as to have an explosive 3^rd act that I wasn’t expecting and honestly should’ve seen coming given the gravity of the Union’s situation since the North had pushed the South to the point where without slaves, the vampire menace would no longer be contained.

The acting is top notch and none of the actors ham up or don’t take their parts seriously. We even get to see a future marvel super hero in the MCU, Scott Pilgrim’s future girlfriend and a highest ranking American nazi officer in an alternative history where WWII was lost in this film. All playing their parts period brilliantly.

As much as I’d like to speak more on the movie’s plot and give a full breakdown this is more of a movie to actually enjoy watching than to read the spoilers on. The title may seem stupid, the concept idiotic and the premise ridiculous, but Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is an unexpected treat to watch. It’s why I consider it a guilty viewing pleasure given the reasons above. It’s dumb, the very idea of a famous American President being a slayer of the undead (the one scene where he takes down a tree with one swing still cracks me up) sounds like it should belong among the ranks of Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie or even those horrible Twilight saga movies. And yet for me it’s an excellent horror action popcorn flix to enjoy during any dark Halloween night.  I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed this movie. I’m not ashamed to say I even own this movie or have read the book it’s based on. My only regret is that I wished they could’ve left it open for a sequel like how the book kind of did. But in reality I can respect the movie makers to decide in making Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter a simple one off movie, having no need to try to make it into some trilogy/movie franchise.

Sure it’s no Dracula but it’s definitely not Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies. If you like period dramas and vampire movies give this movie a try.  You won’t be disappointed and if you feel a bit guilty enjoying it, don’t feel bad. You’re not alone.