PixlBit

 Ah Pixlbit. I know you're like the new 1up now, but could you not copy it's technical issues? I mean when I write up a lengthy post, I don't want it to be deleted when I post it. Unless I'm being censored. I mean, I made some fairly offensive jokes in there, one of which I regretted in hindsight, and it did say that Saints Row 3 was a essentially a worthless piece of shit, which isn't true. So, I guess a rewrite is in order. (BTW Pixlbit is awesome and you guys should keep up the great work!)

 This game is fucking terrible when compared to Saints Row 2. It's still better than Grand Theft Auto IV, but then again stapling you're left testacle to a small child's head is better than Grand Theft Auto IV. Now, I know Casey is about to come in and defend this game, but fuck him, his wrong. He's not allowed to have an opinion because I say so. I claim youtube law here, whereby anyone who disagrees with me about anything is a pedophile and a nazi. Actually, Casey's a nice guy and I hope he still loves me by the time this blog is done. Casey, I love you. You're still wrong though.

 So why is this game so bad? Let's start with the glaring issues before I move onto the smaller issues. The missions suck. Not that they aren't fun, they're just poorly designed. Step a millimetre outside of the preordained mission area and you fail. I wouldn't mind that, but sometimes the enemy you have to kill wonders outside of that area AND WON'T COME BACK! Also, they send the entire population of the PLANET to dispatch of you because artificially enhancing the difficulty by being cheap is a good way to engage the player.

 The AI in this game makes me want to beat a 13 year old to death with a shoe, and then nail my testacles to his head. I seem to have attaching my testacles to minors at the moment, don't think too much into it. Anyway, the amount of times they've gotten me killed is ridiculous. In one mission, I had to revive Pierce 15 fucking times. I got killed reviving so many times I lost count, he jumped out of my fucking car at the end of the mission and by the time I'd realised I was driving too fast and I failed, he wouldn't get in my car, so I got shot a kajillion times, and whilst driving, he shot FUCKING EVERYTHING meaning the army came and FUCKING KILLED ME! How did this piece of shit get universal praise? It's whacky!

 The whackiness in this game is borderline irritating. It becomes dull after the initial shock wears off, because unlike Saints Row 2, it doesn't have any substance to back it up. Saints Row 2's story had genuinely emotional moments, like when Gat's wife died. The story wasn't Shakespeare, but it had some actual thought put into it. Saints Row 2 had a bunch of gangs so you could choose which missions you wanted to do. In Saints Row 3, you're funneled along a linear path. In Saints Row 2, every side mission has a cutscene explaining it, giving context to your actions. Saints Row 3 doesn't need exposition, because hey, we've established it doesn't care about plot, writing or decent mission design, so why the fuck would it care about a small thing like context? Saints Row 2 had a mechanic where you could pick anything up and use it as a weapon. Saints Row 3 forces you to stick to it's bland combat system. Saints Row 2 has 10x the level of customisation than Saints Row 3. I could literally go on for ages. This is a bad sequel in every respect. Even the graphics aren't that much better.

 The city is boring. Every area looks the same. It's empty. I walked for 3 minutes once without finding a single person or car. Also, the draw distance is so bad I accidentally hit a police officer who had only popped in after I hit him.

 I will stop ranting about this game. It frustrates me to no end, and if Saints Row 4 doesn't address at least some of these issues, I will be pissed.