Xbox One Thoughts

On 05/22/2013 at 11:20 AM by Blake Turner

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what a fucking joke.

You know how when it's late night and you're stoned or drunk or something and you decide to make a movie? And you're like "We'll make it an action movie, but with no action! Even better, there's only sounds, and you have to wait until the sequel comes out to get the video! It'll be revolutionary!" That's microsoft in this situation. "Hey guys, you know what would be fucking hilarious? If we made the successor to one of the top selling game machines of all time - but it didn't play games! It plays cable! And movies! And Iphone Apps!" Then the smarter people say "that's a fucking brilliant idea! Although, we should probably make a few games for it. We don't want to end up like the Wii-U now do we guys?"

It gets better. They made Kinect 2! And you can't play your xbox unless it's attached! Because they spent a kazillion dollars on tech that nobody fucking wants! Oh, and you can't turn the microphone off? What if I want to masturbate? Everyone at microsoft is going to hear some fucking weird noises, because I tend to make animal noises when I do it. What if I want to discuss something private with my significant other? What if I like to talk to myself when I'm alone? Is this not scary to anyone else?

Oh, and we also have to install every game, we can't lend our games to friends and we have to be online once every 24 hours. It's like a PC but even less convenient. And more cost effective, as it doesn't have Steam, AND it still racks up your downloads. And like 4 games hgave been announced for it. PS4 has 30. The Wii-U has even more, although when they'll fucking come out we'll never know.

Essentially, what this launch has taught me is that the PS4, the PC, The Wii-U, and sticking to this generation is a much better idea than buying this piece of shit. And to all you xbox fanboys out there saying wait until E3? Yeah, because them announcing a couple more games is really going to fix this stinking pile of shit.

transmet2033

05/22/2013 at 11:32 AM

I am a fan of my 360, but seriously. I cannot believe that they expect me to spend money on this "One." I do not have cable for a reason. I have a profound disinterest in Call of Duty, and sports games. I cannot see the 15 xbox exclusives being all that great.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/22/2013 at 11:53 AM

It is a shame that they seem to be catering to every demographic EXCEPT core gamers. I'm sure they'll fix it later like Sony did last gen, but jesus christ this launch was bad.

05/22/2013 at 11:58 AM

also, is it just me, or do companies have trouble with their third consoles... ps3 had problems, saturn had problems, n64 didn't have FF VII.

05/22/2013 at 12:29 PM

It does seem that way. I think they just get cocky.

KnightDriver

05/22/2013 at 03:39 PM

It makes sense in a business way since they want that mainstream adoption. That's not to say I like it at all. This is what happens when the suits make the decisions.

05/22/2013 at 03:46 PM

It makes perfect sense as a business decision. I don't have a problem with it. But they could take a little bit of time out to soothe their main fanbase before adopting the new one.

05/22/2013 at 03:50 PM

It's all about the money as we all know. I'm already feeling alienated by the whole thing. I guess I'll go back to my niche gamerdom and play my JRPGs on PS2. Sob.

05/22/2013 at 04:15 PM

Handhelds seem the place for JRPGs these days. Makes me wish I had the cash to buy one.

05/22/2013 at 03:38 PM

I don't have cable either. I never watch live TV anymore because of all the commercials. Just can't stand that stuff anymore.

Chris Iozzi Staff Alumnus

05/22/2013 at 01:02 PM

I want a PC more and more

05/22/2013 at 01:49 PM

The over-complication of consoles last generation lead me to PC, so I fully understand that.

05/22/2013 at 03:40 PM

You got it. It's called Xbox One now.

Casey Curran Staff Writer

05/22/2013 at 01:17 PM

Greenman before reveal: Well, I'm sure I'll get one eventually because I want to play Halo 5 and 6.

Greenman after reveal: Do I really need another Halo? I already have five of them.

05/22/2013 at 01:50 PM

Depends if they iterate in any meaningful way. If it's just Halo with prettier graphics, then no, you don't need it. Though 343 seem pretty competant.

05/22/2013 at 04:19 PM

Kiki Wolfkill sounds like an 80's action Heroine... fucking bad ass name.

05/22/2013 at 04:48 PM

I don't care how good Halo 5 and 6 are, I'm not getting one of those things for it.

05/22/2013 at 03:44 PM

exactly how I felt.

leeradical42

05/22/2013 at 01:25 PM

360 fanboys are the only one who will sink $400 bucks in this thing and the only ones that will get this are the Call of Duty fanboys who wake up tell mom to fix them breakfast and plug in there modded controllers for another 22 hours on the game really!!! And when and if i need a cable box i think Time Werner will be more then happy to hook it up and if i ever play fantasy Football i will keep them in mind to. Fucking joke pardon my french grrrrrrrrrr.

05/22/2013 at 01:52 PM

Tis a little bit. They'll still have Halo and Forza, which are pretty good selling points, though Epic wants to move back to PC so they might not be exclusive anymore.

Super Step Contributing Writer

05/22/2013 at 04:27 PM

Don't get Time Warner though, it goes out constantly. Maybe it's in our area it's so bad, but trust me on this: don't get Time Warner. lol

Aboboisdaman

05/22/2013 at 01:57 PM

I couldn't stop laughing thinking about this new "system." What a sick joke. I don't watch tv or sports, and I can't even connect my ps3 due to the way my internet is setup. There's still plenty of current gen stuff left to play. If I ever invest in a new system, I'll just get a PC.

05/22/2013 at 02:49 PM

Fair enough. PC is a great investment, although it has a lot of problems as well.

Check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOxdMQhDMIU

It's one of the funniest things I've seen about the xbox. The PS4 one is much funnier though.

Townz90

05/22/2013 at 02:01 PM

They fucked up. I'm either going to become a PC elitist (the slightly more expensive option) or go PS4 or just give up on life and die...

05/22/2013 at 02:54 PM

Honestly, I think having a PC is more cost effective in the long run. The initial investment is fucking daunting, but the games are so cheap! I have over 200 games in steam because I get them for between 1-10 dollars! I got Skyrim for 25 bucks... in July last year. The mean draw of consoles is the cheaper initial investment, the fact that you can lend games to your mates, the fact that you buy used games, the fact that you don't have to constantly patch games- oh wait. The Xbox One (shittiest name ever) has none of those.

05/22/2013 at 03:35 PM

That's it. It's a PC. Congrats, Microsoft, you've come full circle.

05/22/2013 at 03:45 PM

It's a PC without the benefits of PC gaming. No Mod support, no dedicated servers, not steam...

05/22/2013 at 03:47 PM

It's PCish then. Not better, is it.

Bonnie Ross, GM of 343 Industries, was certainly easy on the eyes. I was hoping for Halo 4 executive producer Kiki Wolfkill however. What a perfect name for someone leading a video game team!

smartcelt

05/22/2013 at 04:01 PM

There are many things I dislike about it. You put them all out there in this blog. I think the camera will be used in rather unsavory ways by people who should know better. Don't like the idea of it having to be turned on every 24 hours...OR ELSE!

05/22/2013 at 04:17 PM

Yeah, it's just a little scary. However, I think they'll be knocked off their high horse soon enough, like sony was last year.

asrealasitgets

05/22/2013 at 05:10 PM

I kind of feel like Microsoft is shedding away the "geeks and nerds" in favor of "jocks and gadget geeks." Thanks for giving us all your money for live and halo, but now we don't need you anymore. I don't even watch TV so yeah, I can't wait for June-July for all the new games on Steams Summer Sale!

05/22/2013 at 05:15 PM

Yeah... those sales always desecrate my wallet. I went without my communications textbook because of it lol

05/22/2013 at 05:26 PM

Is it just me or does the "Always On mic and camera" remind anybody else of the all seeing eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings? We shall unite behind the fellowship of the PC and vanquish MS.

05/22/2013 at 05:37 PM

The PC that microsoft essentially controls? We're next guys!

05/22/2013 at 05:51 PM

Looking up Linux install guides as I type...

Alex-C25

05/22/2013 at 05:33 PM

Well, look at the bright side. Atleast the reveal makes me want to get a Wii U and support my PC

05/22/2013 at 05:38 PM

The Wii-U's launch wasn't that great either. They've still got fuck all games for it. It's looking to get better, but for now... eh.

Cary Woodham

05/22/2013 at 07:07 PM

When it has enough good games on it that I want to play, then I might be more interested. I love my 360 and PS3, but even I didn't get them right away. Only when they had enough games I wanted.

05/22/2013 at 07:27 PM

If the last generation was anything to go off, these consoles will be supported for quite some time. I mean some of the best stuff on the PS2 came out while this generation had been happening.

PixlBit