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Ben's thoughts on XBox one and female butts!


On 05/22/2013 at 08:38 PM by BrokenH

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So, gaming wise I haven’t been doing much lately. I’m not even excited about the whole “next generation console announcements’ sweeping the internet right now.

Okay, you deserve an opinion for reading this so I’ll give it to you. The Xbox1 looks brotastic and bro-fabulous. I’m sure for bros who like their Call Of Duties and their Maddens it’ll be the most brodacious thing ever! Alas, there’s still nasty rumors we’ll have to cough up an additional fee when playing used games (or when taking our games to a friend’s house) and that the console itself must log in to ease the minds of “Mommy & Daddy war-bucks” every 24 hours. Pretty much the Xbox 1 is a dude looking system that acts like an expensive prom-date suffering from an inflated sense of self worth. My erection is already deflated. Thanks Microsoft!

Put bluntly, I’ll be saving for a new pc and eventually a PS4! Even if these negative rumors aren’t as bad in the long run (Major Nelson and Phil Harrison are contradicting each other right now), I’ve never been 100% happy with the Microsoft business model in the first place.

I enjoy the freedom of being able to take my console with me on a vacation or to a friend‘s house . I like how a PS2,SNES,Genesis, and a 360 can play games even when there is no internet connection. I don’t want a “useless plastic brick” taking up my apartment space and that’s exactly what “online only consoles” will become after they’re no longer supported by their companies. I also don’t want to pay any “used game fees” on account they would make my rights as a consumer obsolete. Going to punish me for trying to save money, Microsoft? Well I guess you will not be getting any of my money at all!

If you are an Xbox1 apologist you can try to reason with me but be warned, I’m probably not going to budge!
DAT ASS
Beyond that, I’ve been obsessing about female butts! For people not in the know, I’m an ass-man. To clarify, there’s no “misogynist hate” going on here! (Well, unless you consider heterosexual male arousal to be misogyny. In that case you have countless issues to begin with!)

I know some of you may be uncomfortable with this revelation. If it does bother you, imagine that I’m a rich handsome debonair man with a tortured past! Ah, suddenly my ass fetish doesn’t seem so bad does it?! I got money, sophisticated poetic words, and roses, gurl! All I ask is you let me “tap dat ass“!

Now let me present the lyrics to this TLC song if it was found out “mr. scrub” was a well off brotha!



"Hey, mista scrub, can I give you a rub?

I swear this must be luv! I’ll be your angel
sent from above!

I know yo freaky, mr. scrub, but it’s all good!
Yo money makes me kinky like a gurl from
the hood!

Holler at me, mista scrub!
We can get kinky in my hot-tub!"


 

Comments

Homelessrook

05/22/2013 at 08:46 PM

Nice picture of the Butt and the girl on the bike... LOL.

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 08:49 PM

My rant about butts is better than my rant about the Xbox One. Then again, it's not difficult to outdo the Xbox one right now,Larry. lol.

Homelessrook

05/22/2013 at 08:50 PM

LOL.  the Butt being the Xbox...

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 08:53 PM

(Snort) Indeed! "Lulz" party at my place!

Aboboisdaman

05/22/2013 at 08:49 PM

I have no interest in the Xbox Done either. There's still plenty of stuff out there for the PS3 that I haven't played, and PCs are looking real good right about now. I could have survived without knowing about the ass fetish lol. Tongue Out

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 08:52 PM

I needed to fill meh blog with more paragraphs,Aaron! Sadly, if I kept going on about the Xbox One my whole body would have exploded out of anger. Thus switching the topic to female butts was done only to save my own life!

Aboboisdaman

05/22/2013 at 08:55 PM

LOL. I guess in desperate times of need you can always rely on talking about butts.

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 08:56 PM

It was butts or microsoft. Microsoft is more dirty than butts so.....I chose butts!

GeminiMan78

05/22/2013 at 09:01 PM

Not an Xbox guy so I'm not really sweating it, I almost find it funny actually. These guys really do live in a different reality from us and its going to cost them.

I alway hated that tlc song. A lay about slaker is one thing, but it drifts too far into the realm of if your poor don't bother me. Which puts them into red light territory. And my response to that kind of shallowness can only be sumed up by one of the greatest lines of all time, "Your not your fucking Khakis ! "

 Oh and nice booty pic!

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 09:10 PM

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy my 360 but I'm not such a fanatically blind ms fan-boy I cannot tell when I'm being played. These ms-terrestials really do seem to live in a whole other universe with its' own whacked out rules & twisted physics. Glad I don't live there too! (I refuse to)

  As for the "no scrub" song, I agree. I remember growing up poor and this song pretty much contributed to me being very uneasy around pretty girls. Classism sucks,man!

GeminiMan78

05/22/2013 at 09:26 PM

I have always just gone where the games I want to play are. In all fairness Sony had its share of technical issues with both the PS2 and PS3 when they first released, but not even close to the quality issues the Xboxes repeatedly had. And there are several exclusives on the 360 I hope to one day play. But this new system is a joke.

 

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 09:42 PM

I'm kinda hoping the new Xbox One "is" an elaborate joke. lol. I don't think we're that lucky though.

Super Step Contributing Writer

05/22/2013 at 09:15 PM

I can understand what Geminiman is saying, and in my current situation of having to live with my parents after college, I realize some if it is directed at me, but oh my God, that song is so fucking catchy.

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 09:22 PM

It is a catchy song, but the "words" kinda piss me off,Joe. I'm not saying "Ban itz cuz I iz offended!" but I think young females growing up with these types of songs in their heads risk becoming more shallow and vapid. (Congrats to the self made women who avoid being influenced by materialism!)

jcal94

05/22/2013 at 09:27 PM

I'm more of a breast man myself, but can appreciate a good butt when I see one. That picture you gave was one, there's quite a few in hentai, and I actually quite like my girlfriend's. It's nice walking up the stairs behind her at her place, cause I can get away with it in front of her dad, haha (let the pedophile comments commence!). Really, me being more of a breast man is probably chalked up to my history with butt issues. With all my medical stuff you've heard about, I've had a bleeding butt, fingers up my butt from doctors and having them spread it to examine, sores, etc. And of course the coup de grace, completely losing my rectum and most of my anus, and now that it's sealed, just useless fat I could use elsewhere on my body, haha! 

On the Xbox One, I think it's one of the saddest things out there. It's like how the Wii was in the second half of its life, except WORSE. Anymore, it seems like just Sony that actually remembers who made their system family what it is. I can't wait to add you as a friend on my PSN list come the PS4!!!

Also, I saw some blurbs in your last blog about Gods Eater Burst. How are you enjoying it? I bought it last week, and am going to play it as soon as I finish up Black Rock Shooter. Maybe if the PS4 still does ad-hoc play and there hasn't been a new Gods Eater, we can play in the future!

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 09:38 PM

Still chipping away at GEB,bro! A lot of my time has been spent making bullets and dealing with much tougher Aragami.

As for my butt fetish, I'd gladly "trade it in" if I could. Sadly, it's pretty deeply engrained in my psyche at this point. (I still respect women though and I'd never force anything  uncomfortable upon a potential lover)

I find when we truly love someone we make compromises anyway. Aka, if a future woman I madly cared about did not like anal I wouldn't push it upon her. When it comes to real life, "sex" is only one facet of a complicated gem.

Heck, I've seen relationships with hot passionate sex whereas everything else sucked. lol. Aka, no trust and no friendship still equates to a miserable couple. (Even if they can get wet and hot under the sheets)

Some peeps are okay with one night stands but frankly I don't think I'm a fast lane kind of guy.

V4Viewtiful

05/22/2013 at 09:32 PM

Ah, thank god for arse... anyway the Xbone reveal was just another indication the Xbox isn't for me. 3 years in a row i find myself leaving Xbox in the dust.

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 09:38 PM

I'll be living with you,Ash. I don't like getting x-boned either. lol.

SanAndreas

05/22/2013 at 09:47 PM

With the Xbox One announcement, Microsoft has finally closed the deal with me.

I'm getting a PS4!

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 09:52 PM

If MS is trying reverse psychology it's failing for them big time,Andrew. lol.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

05/22/2013 at 10:01 PM

Female Xbox's and Microsoft butts?  What?!?

Yeah, this is definitely the most brotastic shit ever.  IT's kind of pathetic.  I haven't been able to go on IGN because the only thing they are doing is hyping it without a negative word.  Kotaku might be too negative though.  I mean, sure it' cool, but it's not gaming first, and that what matters.  PS4 had a totally different sales pitch, and one that appeals more to me. 

I don't want to be a fanboy.  Hell, I want a Wii U too.

BrokenH

05/22/2013 at 10:07 PM

I usually don't get consoles at launch anyway,Matt. What's the point when there are not many games out for them yet? 

 I've been kind of peeved about MS's PR shenanigans so far. I'm not apart of the demographic they're catering their new system to,that's for sure. lol.

Cary Woodham

05/23/2013 at 06:04 AM

When the Xbox One has enough good games on it that I want to play, then I might be more interested.  I love my 360 and PS3, but even I didn't get them right away.  Only when they had enough games I wanted.

Not sure what kind of 'man' I am (you can probably guess), but I'm just happy to be here.

BrokenH

05/23/2013 at 12:06 PM

True dat,Cary. Usually we don't see a console's full potential until a few years down the road. Still, I hope the Xbox One doesn't become a useless plastic paper-weight when it's no longer "supported". I'm hoping MS's contradictory info so far yields sweeter fruit later.

Chris Yarger Community Manager

05/23/2013 at 06:45 AM

I was expecting your booty obsession to take a turn towards your artwork. Something like "I've been lookin at different butts and applying the right curves at the right places for so and so reasons", but no, you're just an ass-man. lol

Nothing wrong with that though Cool

I know that I myself am more keen on dem der bewbz den buns, lol

BrokenH

05/23/2013 at 12:10 PM

It always does make it into my artwork, Chris. But you're right. This would have sounded more epic.

"I journeyed to the jungle temple of women with hawt asses and trained drawing their asses night and day! Now I'm ready to return to the civilized world with my knowledge! Supposedly I could have also learned martial arts,survival skills, and true enlightenment while I was there but that would have been a wasted trip,derp!"

Chris Yarger Community Manager

05/23/2013 at 12:36 PM

lol

Perfection

avidacridjam

05/23/2013 at 08:48 AM

To be honest, when I saw your headline, I skipped everything and made a beeline to anything regarding female butts. Nice work. Have more of those next time.

But, yeah, XboxOne. Messed up.

BrokenH

05/23/2013 at 12:14 PM

Yes, my quality of blogs is going up! (thumbs up) I'm sure noone will find this blog offensive either! Oh, what am I talking about? Someone out there always finds something offensive!

PS: More butts next time, I promise!

daftman

05/23/2013 at 11:57 AM

Dude, that girl has a serious wedgie going on

BrokenH

05/23/2013 at 12:16 PM

Yeah, I thought that too. lol. Also, I couldn't get into shorts that tight. I keep expecting them to rip apart at the seams and for the booties to burst forth full throttle! (On the right it's already starting to happen!)

daftman

05/23/2013 at 12:23 PM

Really, they're not so much shorts as they are denim panties lol

BrokenH

05/23/2013 at 12:25 PM

Pretty much. lol. Not that I'm complaining!

smartcelt

05/23/2013 at 02:04 PM

"I like big butts,and I can't deny" as the song goes. Can't say I blame you. They are flat out awesome to behold. As for the XBOX One I am very meh about it. Having trouble getting pumped....my bros will be all like...BRO!...no seriously,BRO!!! But I can't help it. Now I'm off to get sprung. "Even white boys got to shout,baby got BACK!"

BrokenH

05/27/2013 at 08:24 PM

Ah, those cheesy 80's songs,Celt! Bring on the fond memories!

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/23/2013 at 04:37 PM

I'm not really a butt guy. Granted, if I see a nice one I won't complain, but I'm more of a frontal man. I prefer the bits on the front. That's where the boobs, vag, and most importantly, face. Seriously, I'd rather a girl have a pretty face than a perfect body. Ah well.

 Also, I've already written enough about XBOX Dumb, so I won't really chime in. IF you do get a better pc... well, that'd just be super. Next generation I'll just upgrade this rig when needed and buy a PS4 when I have cash.

BrokenH

05/25/2013 at 07:42 PM

Nothing wrong with the front of a woman either! Boobs and cameltoe are topics I'm saving for later! I need to pace myself,Blake! Can't give away all the good stuff at once!

Xbox Dumb....brilliant!

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/25/2013 at 07:48 PM

Xbox Dumb is one of the worst jokes I've come up with... but it summarizes the audience they're after...

 I'll be sure to check those other blogs, especially after the butt pics!

jgusw

05/23/2013 at 06:27 PM

I agree with you about the XB1, but I like my butts a bit bigger than the ones in your pic. Cool

BrokenH

05/27/2013 at 08:25 PM

Ha ha ha! Nothing wrong with "bang" in the back right, James? But yeah I'm not thrilled about the Xbox One news so far. I'm hoping that microsofts "listens" and makes some drastic changes before E3.

Beerfan

05/23/2013 at 10:31 PM

I am also a fan of the ass.  What an odd comment on a video game blog.  I have to say, I agree with you on the Xbox shit.  If these rumors are true, as they seem to be from things MS people are saying (though they can't seem to get their stories straight) I am done with the Xbox.  If Sony pulls the same shit, I am sitting out this generation.  Well, I will eventually get a Wii U to play the new Xenoblade game.  But at least I can sell them when I'm done.

BrokenH

05/27/2013 at 07:20 PM

I really hate to be cynical too,Beer-fan. It's not if I want to be the pessimistic snark jeering in the corner! However, microsoft isn't giving me much in the way of "optimism" to work with.

Chunopo

05/24/2013 at 07:30 AM

not a huge x box fan myself, but I'llk tell you what I do like Ben..... shorts, like these:

Pic 1

Pic 2

Shorts are great.

BrokenH

05/25/2013 at 07:49 PM

Dat ass!

NSonic79

05/24/2013 at 11:38 PM

I wouldn't be too shocked if indeed the Xbox One was the end result of much focus group study and Q and A questions from very demographic in what they'd like to have/see in a new console.

andd here you go if you haven't experianced this cover yet...

BrokenH

05/25/2013 at 07:45 PM

I hope MS is still willing to change its' console based on our feedback as well. I dunno man, just seems kinda silly to show more favortism towards dude-bros than true gamers,y'know? Btw, this song was the sizzle back in the day!

Alex-C25

05/24/2013 at 11:49 PM

On the bright side atleast Microsoft convinced me to get a Wii U and support my PC.

Eh, butts I don't care about them. I care more for the whole body figure as I think every part, when combined, creates a perfect shape. Hope I didn't sound to sexuall with that lol.

BrokenH

05/25/2013 at 07:49 PM

I still enjoy the rest of a woman's body too. No shame in admitting to that,Alejandro. lol. I mean we're "humans" we're going to be "attracted" to our own species.

 That's why I don't understand when game journalists get bent out of shape over unrealistic & sexy depictions of men and women. (Though it's mostly sexy fictional women that  incite the wrath of the wah-bulance)

Lazlowe1984

05/30/2013 at 10:14 PM

I came here for the female butt.I was not disappointed.

Thank you BH

BrokenH

05/30/2013 at 11:04 PM

I do my part,Laz! (patriotic salute) "G.I.Buttz!"

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