PixlBit

Original post date: 2/13/13

So, remember how I completely screwed myself by accidentally deleting everything on my PS3. Yeah? Okay, well do you also remember how I wasn't really that upset about it because now I have an excuse to replay all those games I haven't played in awhile? You remember that too? Okay, well, I changed my mind. It didn't really occur to me how many of these games I just have no desire to replay, not right now at least. Sure, it sounded okay when I contemplated replaying Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, or Red Dead Redemption, or Mass Effect 3 (kinda), hell even Valkyria Chronicles is up there on the list. But going through these shelves....I've noticed quite a bit of outliers. 

Not that these games are bad of course. Quite the opposite. Most of them are pretty extraordinary. It's just...even the thought of logging in all those man hours (and trust me, it was a lot of man hours) again, just wears me the hell out.

So here's a short, uncomprehensive list of some of the games I don't actually feel like replaying no matter how good (or bad) they are:

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim 

I guess I should consider myself blessed that I have an opportunity to start this game over with more than a passing explanation of "oh, I just wanna see how a Khajiit plays as opposed to a Nord." Because I mean let's face it, those people are only looking for excuses to keep playing Skyrim. With good reason of course, it's a great game. But really, when I think back to my first early hours with Skyrim, there was a lot more frustration and swearing than actual good times. This was all on me though, being that I consider Skyrim to be my first hugely (and I do mean HUGE) "open world" game.

Open world games....they baffle me. I'm used to a formula. Regardless of the game, every genre has some type of formula. Because that's what constitutes a genre, right? The fact that in a open world game I don't HAVE to abide by any kind of formula, used to frustrate the shit out of me. Especially since I'm kind of a completionist. I feel as though I have to see and do EVERYTHING. And if for some reason I can't see and do everything in one playthrough because there's just too many fucking choices in the game, I panic. So that was my initial experience with Skyrim...in a nutshell.

 

Worse than that, once I had actually gotten over my fear of such a big ass world, and actually went out to do things in it.....I got killed. By a fucking sabre cat. No big. Just, try again right? So, attempting this little side mission once more, I had the common sense to go a different way, as to avoid said sabre cat. Little did I know, there was an entity that proved even more formidable than a sabre cat....a giant. I'm sure I don't have to explain to you how that ended. So then, I gave up....for about two hours. And then I was back. Skyrim nearly made me a nihilist for a few months. And I don't think I can go back to that dark place again.

Far Cry 3

Flashback: E3 2011. I was on the cusp of age 16. (This...really wasn't that long ago, I should probably stop acting like I'm 30.) I was in the family room, home alone, watching all the E3 coverage on G4. I was only mildly impressed with the way things were proceeding. I'd seen a few good games so far, but nothing that would make me wanna hold the game devs hostage until they gave me what I wanted. But then...

Far Cry 3 appeared. And it was still only mildly impressive. Yeah, I'm not gonna pretend like I was one of those people who were just riveted to their damn seats when Vaas was giving his token "insanity" speech. Here's the first impression:

Vaas: Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?

Me: No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me right now.

Vaas: Insanity. Is doing the same doing the exact same fucking thing, over and over again, and expecting shit to change.

Me: Yeahhhh. That's...pretty insane I guess. 

Vaas: I don't know, I thought they were bullshitting me so, boom, I shot 'em. The thing is...He was right.

  

And at that point, he lost me. Right up until Jason went tumbling down that cliff. Not even gonna lie, an audible "oh shit" slipped from my lips, and my curiosity was genuinely piqued.

Fast forward, and here we are today. Far Cry 3 was the newest game I got before my PS3 decided to betray me, so it's freshest in my mind and probably won't be getting replayed for a while. Only because, everything starts off soooo SLOW. Not the story, or even the mechanics. Jason's growth is what I mean. I guess it makes sense in the context of the story, but Jason starts off with literally two health bars, one gun, and menial capacity for carrying necessities. And it takes a lot of hunting, crafting, and bullshiting (while almost being killed around every corner) to get out of such lowly ranks. The game world is simply too dangerous to warrant that slow of a start. It's just a little disorienting when everything around Jason is taking off at breakneck speeds, and he's wallowing in "bro-dude" capabilities when he needs to ramp it up to Rambo capabilites. 

But this....THIS takes the cake.

Final Fantasy XIII

  

This shit. Don't even get me started. I had to do the the biggest facepalm of my life when I realized I would have to replay this again. I'm not even one those hardcore Final Fantasy XIII haters. I mean, it was good I guess. Was it perfect? No. Was it horrible? No. Simply, good. So-so. A mediocre Final Fantasy at best. So why then, am I hesitant about replaying it? It's not the characters, the story, or the linearity. It's the combat. Strange right? The combat is the one thing that a lot of people can actually agree on as being a competent part of this game. And I'm not saying that it's not. 

But have you ever played a game that makes you physically exhausted playing it? That's what Final Fantasy XIII is to me. It's fine in the early hours when things are straightforward and how you people say "linear". The thing about Final Fantasy XIII is, the linearity didn't start bothering me until the end. It's well known by this point that the first 25 hours of Final Fantasy XIII are quite linear. Walk in a straight line, fight some shit, walk some more, fight more shit, then proceed to a cutscene/boss/both. Rinse and repeat. This kind of worked for me in the early going because these linear sections took place in areas that were relatively small and varied, so I never felt like any one place was overstaying it's welcome. They were all gorgeous, the enemies were varied (if also pallete-swapped), and everything proceeded quite nicely. 

 

But once you hit chapter 11, everything goes to shit. Because that's when you get to the supposed "open world" of Gran Pulse. Let me tell you, there is nothing "open world" about Gran Pulse except for the fact that it's freaking huge. You're not free to go wherever you want, whenever you want, and frankly, there's just not that much to do. A lof of space it is, but a lot of empty space is what it REALLY is. Sure, there are sidequests, but they're all standard "hit the monster till it dies" missions. Completing these missions open up a sort of fast travel system in which you can get around Pulse more easliy, but to quote Tim Rogers, "if your game has fast travel, maybe it's time to consider the possibility that your slow travel sucks." And it does. 

What Square-Enix made Gran Pulse out to be....

What Gran Pulse actually is....

But back to what I was saying about the linearity. In Gran Pulse you have to go to a number of "towns" and dungeons to....I don't know, find other living humans or something? I forget. It's back to the land of linearity in all these places. But if you think it's going to be completely as it was, you're quite mistaken. The linearity is indeed back, but in a way, WAY worse form than before. This is because all of a sudden the dungeons start taking HOURS to get through. And this is where the combat starts to exhaust the fuck out of me, because you're literally running in a straight line and fighting shit for HOURS. Not to mention that the plot goes on an extended bathroom break and forgets that it's supposed to exist for about 7 hours. I don't think I can put myself through that again.

If there was ever an argument in favor of Final Fantasy VIII's D-District prison, Taejin's Tower would be that argument. This place is like a 2 hour view of death on a screen.

 

This ended up being longer than I anticipated, so I'll cut this one off right here. Hmmm. Part 2 maybe?