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Top 5 Things People Need to Stop Doing.


On 06/27/2013 at 01:58 PM by Blake Turner

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 Ok guys. There are some things we need to talk about, ok? Sometimes, people on the internet complain about things over and over and over, even though they're wrong. And stupid. Anyway, here are 5 of them!

5. Pretending Not To Be Pervs

Now I'm not saying we all stare up dresses or video tape people in the shower or whatever. I am saying we all have the desire to see people naked. Men and Women both have a natural attraction that leads to wanting to see people with their pants off. And there's nothing wrong with it! Half of the internet is dedicated to helping people vent these desires into less socially damaging avenues, and we should not be ashamed of it. I watch porn. You watch Porn. We all watch porn. So lets be open about it, and stop judging other people for their desires. Unless they're into scat. FREAKS!

4. Being Elitist Dicks

I know the pc is better than consoles in just about every conceivable way, and that anyone who games on a console is a slightly inbred retard, but I keep that to myself, because i'm a kind and loving person. I know That metal is far better than every other genre of music in existence, and that people who don't like it are christian freaks, but I don't need to get on every forum and broadcast this fact. Guys, chill! Other people like different stuff than you! Just because something is more obscure does not automatically make it better! And Nu Metal and Metalcore are heavier than Iron Maiden, so they kind of are metal. 

3. Saying the Old Days Were Better

In the wise words of Dylan Moran "I have no time for nostalgia! Old people going "2 dollars for a mars bar, I remember when" WHAT! What do you remember? Fucking SLAVERY!" Not every thing in the past was wine and roses. Shit was cheaper back in the oldern days, but you also made about $1 an hour. "I remember back when games were different, and unique!" You mean when every game was either a brawler, a platformer, or a shmup, and they all had exactly the same mechanics? Sit down and shut up.

 Trends come and trends go, but there is still a metric shit ton of variety in games, and if you disagree, THEN STOP PLAYING THE SAME OLD SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND LOOK FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT YOU FUCKING PLEB!

2. Complaining About Feminsim

 Guys, chill ok? Feminists have a right to be upset. They're still not equal in most parts of the world. More bad shit happens to women than to men, and the only reason you hate them is that they won't fuck you. Shutup you greedy shits and take a reality check. Also, the feminists aren't going to take your games away, they're women, they have no power.

1. Bitching About Gay Marriage

 Hey guys, lets not let blacks get married. They aren't people, no one will care! If that sentence offended you and yet you disagree with gay marriage, you're a fucking idiot. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! They aren't going to force you to marry them, they aren't going to take over the world and rain down gay on everyone, and you aren't going to be raped by them in public! For fuck's sake you people are backwards. Also, why should you care? It's not like they're getting into heaven anyway.


 

Comments

Ranger1

06/27/2013 at 02:08 PM

Well-ranted, sir.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 03:23 PM

Why thank you!

Matt Snee Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 02:09 PM

that image of the glorious PC master race is freaking hilarious.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 03:23 PM

Then you, sir, need to watch zero punctuation!

Joaquim Mira Media Manager

06/27/2013 at 02:11 PM

"Also, the feminists aren't going to take your games away, they're women, they have no power."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Don't know if that was a joke, or the way it was construed in my mind.

transmet2033

06/27/2013 at 02:22 PM

Unless I am mistaken, that is exactly how I read it as well.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 02:23 PM

Of course it was a joke lol.

Super Step Contributing Writer

06/27/2013 at 02:34 PM

The joke was women's rights, yes. Gold star for Blake. Laughing

Joaquim Mira Media Manager

06/27/2013 at 02:40 PM

I've been watching too much Jim Jefferies lately (because that's totally how it sounded in my head), thanks whatsacow.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 02:42 PM

Have you been watching him because of me? That guy is a fucking legend. I have a similar sense of humour to him, but I tend to tone it down on here because people on 1up were scared.

Joaquim Mira Media Manager

06/27/2013 at 03:06 PM

I didn't know who he was before you introduced Legit, and now I like him quite a bit. I also like Ricky Gervais (his live stand-up shows), I think they have a similar style of humor.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 03:22 PM

Yeah. Jim Jefferies is a little bit more offensive I find. Daniel Tosh also surprisingly has a very similar style. He's kind of brilliant, even though I don't like his show.

transmet2033

06/27/2013 at 02:24 PM

Of course the old days were better, but that is just because we cannot remember any of the bad stuff that made them just like the nowadays.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 02:26 PM

Exactly, you were too young to have to deal with the shit you have to now.

gigantor21

06/27/2013 at 03:59 PM

" 'I remember back when games were different, and unique!' You mean when every game was either a brawler, a platformer, or a shmup, and they all had exactly the same mechanics? Sit down and shut up."

This. So much this. It's like 90% of the actual output on older consoles have been erased from the internet's memory or something. Hell, even the games I loved as a kid had their problems--Capcom was FAR more egregious with recycled assets in their fighters than Activision is with Call of Duty, for instance.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 04:18 PM

People only remember the classics unfortunately. I also think it has a lot to do with the age of the people who played these games. They remind them of a time when they didn't have to deal with all of the problems they have now.

mothman

06/27/2013 at 05:24 PM

The "good old days" are gone now. I tend to live in the present. Sure I have fond memories but that's what they are. That's why I never stopped seeking out new music and embrace technology the way I do. Yes there is shit I don't like today but twas ever thus. I can't think of a single time in my life where everything was hunky and dory at the same time.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 05:42 PM

Very good outlook. Every time has shit moments, so fuck the past, embrace the present and look forward to the future with caution.

Homelessrook

06/27/2013 at 05:39 PM

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 05:41 PM

I love people who say slipknot isn't metal...

Casey Curran Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 06:28 PM

My issue with feminists isn't that they're talking about unequal representation. I agree with that. My issue is they do a terrible job at pointing it out. Especially since they'll pick apart positive examples like Ico or something which is clearly poking fun at what they're talking about like Shadows of the Damned. 

Also after writing a paper on the state of sexual assault is in the military, it really irritates me to see when they make video games their top priority over things that need addressing that much more.

Agree with the rest, especially 3. I mean, they even put games from the good old days incredibly easy to get and cheap. If they're so good, why not just stick with them?

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 07:16 PM

I suppose. There is a girl on youtube though who I think really sums things up well. I can't remember her name and I'll try and look her up. But her thing is that she doesn't give a shit if there was misogynism in the past, because hey, it was the fucking past, she's not going to dwell on it. But she looks for things that could actually be harmful, like overbearing "bro's are awesome" mentality that still persists in games.

Justin Matkowski Staff Alumnus

06/27/2013 at 06:49 PM

To me, the issue of retro gaming comes from a philosophical place in terms of game design; I enjoy a game that knows it's a video game, and uses that to its strength. In my mind, it has nothing to do with the past, but approach; I prefer a game that embraces its medium as opposed to trying to ape film (in other words, I'm not the biggest David Cage fan). Not to say that all games today are made in that philosophy at all - some of my favorites of all time come from this current gen, but I'm rather sick of the whole ignorant "When is someone going to make the Citizen Kane of video games" question. As far as I'm concerned, we have Citizen Kane(s) of gaming - they're called Super Mario World, Castlevania: Symphony of The Night, Red Dead Redemption etc - masterpieces of their art form. When a band goes in to record an album, no one says "We need to make this sound more like the Mona Lisa", because that would make no fucking sense. I chalk it up to growing pains, which every technology and art form have.

For me, it's not about those games being old, but a specific quality they have that I love, and that quality isn't nostalgia. My philosophy is: realize why you love something, have standards for things, and always look for NEW things that make you feel the way those formative experiences did/continue to do. Embrace your individual tastes, but never cease to grow. There are a ton of great gaming experiences available today, and one of the best aspects of gaming today is the voice given to indie developers, which will only grow moving forward.

BIG TIME agreement with #5 - people with repressed sexuality are like the one's who like to pretend they and everything in their life is perfect; you know there is some real dark, unhealthy shit going on behind closed doors.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 07:14 PM

 Yeah. The guys who confess to being into animal porn, you're like "Alright, he's not going to rape and murder me because he's got that shit out of his system. I don't agree with it, but good for him."

 Also, I see where you're coming from. I HATE games that think they're movies. It's why I love Dark Souls so much, because it is a straight up game that couldn't be done in any other medium, and it's still artistic and evokes emotion.

Justin Matkowski Staff Alumnus

06/27/2013 at 07:24 PM

Absolutely, man. People that feel that video games need to be vindicated as an art form have their priorities ass backwards - games have as broad a spectrum of styles and experiences for whatever fits your mood at a given time as film does, probably moreso. I love that gaming encourages you to joyously delve into the zany mini-golf of Kirby's Dream Course, then switch gears to be borderline shitting in your pants while you traverse 'Blight Town', and experience everything inbetween.

Chunopo

06/27/2013 at 08:29 PM

You should have contended against Kevin Rudd for leadership or even enter into the next general elections, I can see your slogan now:

"I watch porn, you watch porn, we all watch porn"

I'd vote for you.

Excellent Ramblings myfriend you continue to bring big toothy smiles to my face.

 

jgusw

06/27/2013 at 08:46 PM

I don't know.... women got it good.  If they want sex, they can get it.  They're less liking than men to be convicted of a crime.  Easier for women to get away with murder.  If they go to prison, I doubt it's as bad as when men go to prison.  When the word "molester" is spoken, is anyone thinking of a women?  Men have to fight just to visit the their kids after a divorce.  Women can get HALF even if she offered absolutely nothing during a marriage.  People are so sympathic to women, that they ignore the amount of damage they can cause.  "Women are weak", my ass.  You're a fool not to fear them. Laughing

I don't completely understand why gay people want to get married.  It's not like it's doing hetero people any damn good.  I bet over 50% get divorced now-a-days.  Most of my friends are divorced.  Why the fuck do gays want that?  Not marrying is a bonus.  I know my divorced friends wished they could of skipped marriage. Laughing

Aboboisdaman

06/27/2013 at 09:16 PM

There ain't nothing wrong with playing old games. I can clearly recall paying $50 for NES carts in the 80's. I'm not sure how much money that would translate to nowadays, but it was probably more than $60. The NES is my favorite system ever, but even I know that most of the games (there were 700 something) made for it were crap.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

06/27/2013 at 10:26 PM

There's nothing wrong with playing them, just whining about how much better they used to be all the time. No, you don't do that lol.

Alex-C25

06/27/2013 at 11:32 PM

Really agree with number 3. I like old games and retro stuff, but there's great things in the present and you gotta remember that most of the praised things like Super Mario World, The Genesis Sonics, a lot of bands of the 60s and 70s, the Star Wars movies, and MANY other things, survived the time for being beloved, while the other stuff simply dissapeared almost from existence for being badly received or overshadowed by the awesomess. If only some of the users from a blog I visit would realize......

I follow more subjectivity, so for me I don't really believe that some things are better than other (there could be exceptions though). However, I also agree with your fourth point. I simply hate when a person doesn't try something new for being different and badmouths that thing for not being of his standards. And yes, no mather what, Nu/Alternative Metal and Metalcore are indeed Metal. They are just different than your Iron Maiden, Metallica, Death, Immortal, etc.

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