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Bombing


On 07/04/2013 at 03:41 AM by Super Step

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Something I decided to do before the Fourth of July, out of the classiness of my own heart. I think my material was weak. I actually recorded this one, though. I try to remember a bad masturbation joke for a good first chunk of it, then make other "jokes" that are really just stories that go nowhere and get no laughs, and for the most part fuck up even those out of nerves, cause the guy before me was good and went on for a while, so if you hate me and want to feel better about yourself, you can listen to this trainwreck, but I'm certainly not fucking going to.

There is one aside I made to a girl a comedian before me was heckling about her biceps, so if that doesn't make sense, that's why that's there.

Now to distract you from the unfunny comedian, sitting somewhere in the back near a roller skating magician who lost his props, here are three things I love about the U.S.A.

Say what you will about the zaniness of their religion, but I have never met an unkind Mormon. A very good friend (ok an old friend from college I no longer talk to) who used to live in Utah begs to differ, but I'm going to pretend that's a lie, so his negativity doesn't fuck this up for me. In a way, believing Mormons are all nice people is kind of like my religion: it might not hold up under scrutiny, but I want to believe it, so fuck you.

If we were a smarter nation, we'd have captured that goddammed hedgehog and used his chili farts as diesel fuel. Also, hot dogs are dick-shaped, like Florida, where we house all of our elderly, mentally ill, gator-rapists, and for some reason, Lebron James.

Technically, these are made in China. I don't really feel the need to clarify why they're so American any further.

And non-jokingly, a very big thank you to our troops, especially those on Pixlbit, serving, retired, what have you.

This is a bit random, but after deciding door-to-door sales was not for me earlier this summer, I looked up a shit-ton of military videos, starting with a BUD/S training documentary. I guess watching those at least pumped me up to exercise, which was something I could do, after failing to stick with something else?

Anyway, Happy Independence Day!


 

Comments

Matt Snee Staff Writer

07/04/2013 at 04:15 AM

it looks like your video didn't come through. you might need to save your blog again, or you can just take the basic "share" link from youtube and post it through the video/media button on the blog tools....

let me know if that doesn't make sense. 

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/04/2013 at 04:21 AM

It's just a Soundcloud file, this always happens, it'll be up in a while probably. And if not, I'm certainly not gonna cry over it, I dunno if me bombing is something I'm really clamoring for people to hear. Tongue Out

Halochief90

07/04/2013 at 05:16 AM

 I also follow the world-view that all mormons are nice people. I worked with a very good friend who was a mormon. I even went to his wedding at a mormon church! Though nice, I can also say they are persistent. Let's just say they will never lose your number, even if you've been avoiding their phone calls for a good two years.

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/04/2013 at 05:37 AM

Well, in my specific case, pretty sure the pest control company I was working for may be bound by law to forget my number, aside from that one call about a sale that I either didn't properly set up service for or was cancelled. The other Mormon I've known is an ex-gf's mom, who is a hilarious saint ... with an unfortunately abusive Mormon ex-husband (de facto, I think I remember hearing paperwork on that was in limbo of some sort), which kind of undercuts my point ...

But weddings are great. My favorite there is still Catholic, though. Gotta have ma alcehol at a wedding. It's how I was raised.

smartcelt

07/04/2013 at 06:51 PM

That was brutal,I'm sure it was for you anyways. Still got to give you credit for being up there and doing comedy. Nice recovery bit at the end with the fireworks stuff. That sounded like a comic's worst nightmare. But one every single one has at one point or another. I have always liked Mormons I've met. I never met Mitt Romney,he might have been an exception because he seems like a real tool. The Osmonds are cool! They seem so very kind and sweet. Lately I've been thinking about how the Mormon leaders are going to flip out when the gay marriage advocates come to Salt Lake City this month. Serves them right for pouring all that cash into passing Prop 8. Not even their state,for crying out loud! Utah is pretty awesome,so I guess they are doing something right. Florida on the other hand......it's our most fu#*$% up state. What is wrong with them?

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/04/2013 at 07:07 PM

I dunno about recovery, I sorta forgot I was in a city where a lot of people probably can't legally set too much off, and what I was recalling (poorly) was us playing with fireworks on my grandpa's farm in Wisconsin ... not the urban nightlife area of Dallas,TX right near SMU. Anyway, I feel I've been both holding back and not preparing enough for these (and I was trying to tone down my set from last week, which went over ok, which I think was a mistake), so we'll see if third time's the charm next week. I hung out at the bar afer with the other comedians, all of whom pointed out "you can't bomb an open mic, just learn."

Osmonds were a bit before my time, but their Evil Knievel outfits are snazzy.

My old friend's family sees Utah, at least Salt Lake City, as a bit of a nightmare, but they are atheists and the friend himself was gay, so I can easily understand why; I think they'd agree with your statement about Prop 8 is what I'm saying. Not sure I could live there myself with that kind of religious pressure. I mean southern Baptists can be fervent as hell, but I come from a Catholic family, which is a lot more relaxed in many ways. And of course, I've met understanding Baptists, etc.

As for Florida, did you ever listen to the show Loveline when it was Adam Carolla and Doc Drew? They used to play a game called "Germany or Florida," because all the fucked up stories came from those places, it seemed. I think he still does that on his podcast, been a while since I listened, though. 

Coolsetzer

07/06/2013 at 05:09 PM

Thanks man, you too. I still love the service, even after 11 years. haha, go figure.

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/06/2013 at 07:32 PM

11 years is a very long time to be involved, thank you for your service, and glad you love it!

NSonic79

07/08/2013 at 08:15 PM

I've been told some comedians relisten to their stand up routines, good or bad if only to learn how a one joke worked/didn't work/or how timing affected it. If antying your recoridng sounds like something that would be heard on "The Moth" radio hour if it had a continues story arch than comedic act. Even the best of them can bomb every now and then.

Tried to buy american made fireworks once. Not a pretty scene. I never saw so many ATF agents in my life.

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/09/2013 at 02:19 AM

I can definitely understand listening to yourself. Me, I think that's a terrible idea for me right now that is only going to kill my self esteem and keep me from doing it, so I've been listening to other comedians to get down a certain delivery style. Not copying, but they all seem to have a particular rythm, at least the ones I enjoy.

And ATF agents, huh? That stinks, man, I'm sorry.

BrokenH

07/09/2013 at 02:26 AM

Even if you have talent you get slammed. Sometimes it's constructive but other times people are critical just to be critical. For example, I'm a lot less harsh on movies than true movie critics are. I think such perfectionists take their jobs too seriously. Not everything has to a masterpiece to be good and what people consider "masterful" is usually subjective in the first place.

It's pretty brave you got up there and ran with it. Facing public scrutiny takes a stout resolve.

Comedy is a tough act because even the most innocous joke will offend someone. lol.

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/09/2013 at 09:27 AM

Nah, in this case, it was honestly just weak material (and freezing) I think, no fault on anyone but me, although other comedians had problems with the crowd as well. 

transmet2033

07/09/2013 at 10:11 AM

My cousin married a Mormon.  They had kids, and I have not heard from him since.  Is that really kind?

Super Step Contributing Writer

07/09/2013 at 02:11 PM

No, and neither was the dad I was talking about in one of my earlier comments. But all the ones I've personally met were fantastic people; I want to believe! lol Obviously, I'm joking around here. 

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