PixlBit

More like "Shaq Poo." This game stinks!

This week we're going to look at one of the most infamous video games ever: Shaq Fu! It wouldn't be so bad, I suppose, if it didn't star that giant of a basketball player, Shaquille O'Neal. Yes, a basketball player. . . in a fighting game. Notice him posing on the box; is that the real Shaq? Did he really agree to pose like that? Anyways, you know this can't turn out well. 

Released in 1994, Shaq Fu came out for several systems: SNES, Genesis, Amiga, Game Gear, and the Game Boy. Holy cow, one system is bad enough! It was developed by Delphine Software International and published by Electronic Arts (for SNES and Genesis). We're going to look at the two main versions of the game: SNES and Genesis. That's right, this is a double review! Lucky you! 

Let's look at the SNES version first. A few seconds after you hit the power button to start the game, you'll hear a bunch of fighters making weird sounds (fighting?) and it will end with a high screech. Who's idea was this? It's like they didn't know what to do for the opening, and someone had this terrible idea, and they did it! Now you get to choose what mode to play: Story, Dual, Tournament, or Options. 

The Story mode is a complete nonsensical affair that makes no sense. Shaq is in Tokyo for a charity game and he wanders into an old kung fu dojo. The old man there thinks he is the legendary "man from the stars" or something and asks him to go to another dimension to save a kid named Nezu. He pulls back a curtain so Shaq can step into a small booth to go to this other dimension (sounds fishy to me). But the athlete does! Now Shaq is a tiny sprite on a world map, which is neat, but this story is going nowhere fast. 

                             What a cast of characters! Wait, where's Ryu?

The seven characters in the game have nothing in common. There's Shaq (the basketball player), a wizard, a voodoo witch, a raja, a big ugly monster, a catwoman, and a mummy. On the world map, Shaq can choose one of three locations and who to fight first. Once the three are defeated, a bridge appears so he can get to the other side. 

The actual fighting part has tons of problems. The characters are small, the controls are slightly unresponsive, and the combos are hard to pull off. I found myself jumping and kicking in midair quite a bit in order to be a difficult target for the computer. The story mode is hard, especially Kaori (the catwoman); she is nigh impossible to beat, considering her crazy speed. Each character has a shield, but it seems to be useless as your opponent can still hit you when your shield is up. There is no strategy in this game; just jump around and push buttons. In order to learn combos, you must be defeated and have a Game Over. Learn from losing, right? 

I have to wonder, where did Shaq learn how to fight? Before and after fights, the characters will mock each other, and these quips are terrible. Here's one for example: Shaq: "Be careful, Prince, you might hurt yourself with those swords." Raja: "My swords will make you think twice about that comment." I'm thinking twice about this game! The characters are pretty dull, with no personality; this is quite obvious considering the raja is called "Raja," the voodoo witch is called "Voodoo," and so on. They couldn't even give these characters names?

The SNES version has a couple good things: the music is okay (it does get annoying at times), and the backgrounds have some animation in them. Heads of the characters are in the top corners by their lifebars; the lower the lifebar gets, the more depressed the head becomes. It's a nice touch I suppose. Other than that, this is a bland game; don't expect Street Fighter 2 here. And it goes without saying that the game is two player. 

Auroch only appears in the Genesis version; why you hatin' on Nintendo, Shaq?

The Genesis version of the game is very different. No weird voices for the opening; in fact, you'll notice that the music sounds terrible right away, with a constant synthesized ringing beat that will drive you crazy. The sound in this version is annoying and subdued compared to the SNES's sound. There are 12 characters (opposed to only 7 in the SNES version). The characters that have been added: the old man, the boy Nezu, and some generic dudes which no one cares about. 

During the fights, there is no SFX. That's right, no punching sound when you hit your opponent. The Genesis hardware isn't this bad, is it? And then there's the controls. As you may know, there are only three buttons on the Genesis controller. Shaq Fu used these buttons accordingly: A button: move/taunt. B button: fast attack. C button: power attack. That's right, there are only two attacks. That is L-A-M-E. And that's Shaq Fu in a nutshell: one very lame fighting game. 

                      Yes, Shaq, you should be ashamed you did this. 

Final Verdict--1 Star: A Waste of Time

How bad is Shaq Fu? The website shaqfu.com is dedicated to destroying every copy of the game it can get its hands on. On the other hand, saveshaqfu.com is dedicated to preserving every copy of Shaq Fu it can. Yes, there are Shaq Fu fans out there (probably just five dudes who are the biggest Shaquille O'Neal fans ever). If you don't believe me, check out those links and see for yourself. Shaq Fu has made all kinds of lists, but they're not good lists. It is one of the worst games of all time. Allgame stated that Shaq Fu is a dud in terms of fighting games based on basketball players. 

So the short of it: keep pro athletes out of fighting games! Sheesh! Next thing you know they're going to make a platformer with Michael Jordan! 

Join me every Saturday as we take a look back at all kinds of retro games, good and bad.