"A Modest Gaming Proposal"

On 02/28/2013 at 11:18 PM by thederpmaster

As you can see by the title, I am a Jonathan Swift fan.If you have not read his "A Modest Proposal" I would recommend it. Warning: This blog entry contains some profanity, if this offends you then I apologize and you should probably skip this one.

I am hereby boycotting the new Tomb Raider game due to the exclusion of Lara's rape scene. Let's be honest - the only reason people were staring at that game in the first place was to get a look at those HD milk duds. Nevermind that Crystal Dynamics worked hard to improve on general gameplay and story. I just want to sow some acorns on that island! Amirite? Just because some people have a problem with implied sexual misconduct, doesn't mean the rest of us and our kids want to miss out on the party.

In fact, I think all games should come with this selling point. I don't want a game - I want interactive story porn. That's right - I'm looking at you Cooking Mama - tits or your going back to the Gamestop On-Sale pile. Only two dollars back? No problem! That will go a long way with all the free terabytes of porn floating around the internet. People don't want to respect women- name me a video game heroine and I will show you at least 500 pages of naked google pics and erotic fanfiction. Cause that's what we nerds do!

In fact, I don't think we've gone far enough! Fans already cried out when Bioware didn't deliver enough attention in the sack. What's the point of playing Mass Effect 2 if I can't see Miranda completely naked or engage in a homosexual foray with some random dude in my cargo hold?? Therefore, the only solution I can see is for us gamers to rise up and boycott Bioware as well- until all preferences are catered to. You only date Jehovah's Witnesses? Here's one now - but the bike is coming with a later DLC. You have a thing for dogs? Introducing the Mass Effect kennel station! Mind you keep this away from law enforcement officers. Some people would say that we are complaining about nothing, that this is a game to be enjoyed - not a dating sim and to them I say they may be correct...

-ThEDerPmAstEr

P.S. In case it was not obvious these are not my views but a charicature of the some of the problems I percieve the industry is and has been facing.

Ranger1

02/28/2013 at 11:31 PM

As someone familiar with that particular piece of Swift's writing, I knew where you were going with this. Nicely played, sir!

Super Step Contributing Writer

02/28/2013 at 11:32 PM

... There was a video perfect for this, but I typed in retsupurae and navigatr in Youtube search to no avail. Just know that some guy seriously suggested Lara Croft get breast cancer, and it be a part of the gameplay. Yeeeeeaaaahhhh.

As for this, I don't mind serious subjects like rape being included in videogames, as long as it takes it as seriously as it should. Presentation is everything. Also, as long as it's a cutscene and I'm not controlling the aggressor or something, that's just fucking wrong and creepy.

thederpmaster

02/28/2013 at 11:39 PM

Yeah, I'm the same way. I was more commenting on how some people in the public reacted it its exclusion rather than the fact that it was there in the first place. I would love to be able to play a game that had mature content in it that afterward allowed you to see it from a different perspective or come away with a certain message. However, I'm not sure the inclusion of that scene by Crystal Dynamics initially was to do that. I think they were trying to sell the fact that Lara is so attractive that this jungle bandit can't keep his hands off of her.

PixlBit