PixlBit

Money-hoarding, snarky big-name celebrities in video games? This can't be good.

And it's not. . . for the most part. When video games started to get a foothold in the culture, the rich and famous took notice. "Hey, those video game things. . . all the kids are playing them. Maybe I should get my own game?" Well, it was more like greedy companies thinking that they could make tons of money using celebrities. And just how many celebrity games are out there? A lot more than you think! In this retrospective, we'll first analyze why and how these crazy games came to be, then we'll look at the biggest group of them (that would be sport celebrity games), the worst of them, and the best of them. I want to note that these games are not based on movies, but specific celebrites (otherwise the list would be super huge). Movie games are a different category completely.

The Analysis

You see, it probably wasn't the celebrity that said "I want to star in my own game!" It's more likely that a greedy company said, "You know, so-and-so is really famous, and I bet we could bank if we made a game with his face on the cover!" So they contact the celebrity and ask for his permission; well sure, he doesn't care. And voila! Thus the game is thrown together quickly with no thought for the actual gameplay and said celebrity doesn't even really do much in the game, just lend his name to the title. This is a sad thing that has happened time and time again (and is still happening, but not to such a degree).

The question is, do celebrity games actually sell better than normal games? Well, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. The thought is, Yes they do! But that's not always the case. Little kids will play anything that looks "cool," but teenagers are more picky in their games. These greedy companies (okay, not all of them are in it just for the money) know that teenage guys are more likely to buy a Michael Jordan or Ken Griffey Jr. game, and teenage girls might venture out to get that new Mary-Kate and Ashley game. So they sell. Sadly these celebrity games are often the ones you'll find in the cheap bins at your local game stores. At one time it was all about the money; now they just want to get rid of them!

Tons of Sports Celebrity Games

By far the most games with celebrities are sports games. From the NES to modern day, every system has had its share of sports celebrity games. You'll find them for every sport. If you like football, there's John Elway's Quarterback (NES), Sterling Sharpe: End 2 End (SNES), and Joe Montana Football (Genesis). If you prefer basketball, check out Jordan vs. Bird: One on One (NES) or Kobe Bryant's NBA Courtside (N64). Like golf? There's Greg Norman's Golf Power (NES) and Jack Nicklaus Golf (SNES, Genesis). If you dig hockey, you can check out Wayne Gretzky Hockey (NES) or Brett Hull Hockey (SNES). Let's not forget baseball: there's Bo Jackson Baseball (NES), Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball (SNES, Genesis), and Ken Griffey Jr.'s Slugfest (N64). There's celebrity games for every sport: Tennis (Jimmy Connors Pro Tennis Tour), Racing (Michael Andretti's Indy Car Challenge), Boxing (Foreman: For Real), Soccer (David Beckham Soccer), BMX (Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX), skateboarding (Tony Hawk's Pro Skater), even fishing (Mark Davis' The Fishing Master)! Perhaps you prefer College Basketball to Pro; well then you can try Coach K College Basketball (Genesis) or Dick Vitale's "Awesome Baby!" College Hoops (Genesis). Seriously? This is insane!

The funny part is, most of these athletes have faded into obscurity. As a result, their games, which were created to make tons of money due to their success, are sitting in cheap bins of old games that nobody wants. You can find them for a dollar or less at most places. Famous? No, just another crappy old sports game that's no good.

The Worst

Out of all the celebrity games, which ones are the absolute worst? Well, we don't have to go far to find them. You might recognize these people, and whether you love them or hate them, there's no denying that they're in some of gaming's worst moments.

Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch: Make My Video (1992, Sega CD)

Mark Wahlberg stars in this Sega CD game as a hiphop artist. The series of Make My Video games had to do with editing music videos, just what you've always wanted to do! Mostly the game was you watching four screens of random footage, even sports and political speeches while hiphop music played. Once you're done, you can watch it! And that's all it is. The game is regarded as absolute trash. GameInformer gave it a 0 out of 10. Can't get any worse than that. This is perhaps the reason why Wahlberg gave up on rapping.

Shaq Fu (1994, SNES/Genesis)

No doubt you've heard of this terrible fighting game starring basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal. That's right, a fighting game starring a basketball player. Don't worry, Shaq can throw deadly laser disks and do flying jump kicks! If that's not bad enough, the story takes place in another dimension with a bunch of characters that don't go together at all. The two console versions of the game were very different, but they were both terrible.

Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City (1994-1995, SNES)

Not learning from Shaq's mistake, Michael Jordan gets in on the video game scene with a crazy game of his own. Jordan's teammates have been captured, so he has to rescue them using different kinds of basketballs, such as freeze balls and bomb balls. Hm, did he somehow gain magic powers or something? Would it have been better if he simply jumped on the bad guys like Mario or DK? The idea is neat, but the overall game is absurd and not worth your time.

Mary-Kate & Ashley: Sweet 16 License to Drive (2002, PS2/GCN/GBA)

Oh no! Can anything good come from this? This girl-centric game stars the famous twins Mary-Kate and Ashley. It's a party game about driving which is similar to Mario Party, except very much not fun. Up to four players can choose a girl (no guys are in the game) and get in a certain colored car and drive around a map. Along the way are minigames, some of which are fun; others are retarded, such as Car Trivia, in which you must choose the right answer to real life questions about cars! Besides that, the game is very heavy on gender stereotypes, doing its best to pander to girls while leaving fun out of the overall picture.

Britney's Dance Beat (2002, PC/PS2/GBA)

This dancing game stars Britney Spears. The story mode is that you must pass auditions in order to make the dancing tour as one of her dancers. While the game has a lot of content to unlock, such as video footage of Britney and photoshoots, the gameplay is repetitive and routine. Maxim called it "a mindless version of 'Simon Says' to the masterful beats of 'Oops!...I Did it Again.'" Oops is right. Unless you're a die-hard Britney Spears fan, this is a game that you should dance away from.

50 Cent: Bulletproof (2005-2006, Xbox/PS2/PSP)

Another music game? Nope, this one is a 3rd person shooter. The rapper 50 Cent is shot nine times and left for dead; somehow he manages to live and goes on a rampage to get revenge. The game is praised for its story, but the gameplay is sloppy. Aiming is very difficult and becomes frustrating, enemies respawn endlessly, and simply picking up items can be difficult. The game is also very linear, so exploring an open world is not an option. But the worst part is that 50 Cent, despite the name of the game, is not bulletproof! He can rap, but let's hope he never becomes the only guy who can save the world.

The Best

Now please understand, by "the best" I do not mean that these games are amazing, but simply that as far as celebrity games go, they're decent and maybe even worth playing. Rarely is a celebrity game amazing, but you might be surprised.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (1987, NES)

This one is amazing. That's right, the classic NES boxing game from Nintendo actually features Mike Tyson (before he was a rapist). How did this happen? Well, the story goes like this: Nintendo of America's former president Minoru Arakawa went to a Mike Tyson boxing event and was impressed by his power and skill, so he decided to use the boxer's name and likeness for Punch-Out!! in order to help the game sell. Tyson was paid a nice sum of money to be featured as the game's final boss for three years; after that, he was replaced by Mr. Dream. Of course, the game was amazing before Tyson came into the picture, and that's exactly how celebrity games should be done.

John Madden Football (1988, C64/Apple II/MS-DOS)

This is THE big one. This little game starring the most famous football announcer in US history has become a revolution. It was ported to the SNES and Sega Genesis, then to every console known to man. Since 1992, a Madden Football game has been released every year. That's astounding! The Madden games are still the best-selling football games on the market. And while Madden's face stopped appearing on the games in 2006, he is the man we should thank for this phenomenon, even if we're becoming disastified with EA's execution. The games themselves are certainly not subpar; they're good games with a good man's name attached to them.

Jackie Chan's Action Kung Fu (1990-1992, NES/TurboGrafx-16)

Movie martial artist Jackie Chan stars in this action platformer in which Jackie must rescue his sister from an evil sorcerer. Over the course of five levels items and power-ups can be found and bonus levels can also be initiated. A boss is at the end of each level, and they're pretty awesome bosses. The two console versions have differences, but both games have been praised for solid gameplay. The TG16 has better graphics and captures Chan's likeness very well. Jackie Chan also starred in a pretty decent action game on the PlayStation called Jackie Chan Stuntmaster.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater (1999-2000, N64/PS1)

This fun and satisfying skateboarding game proved to us that skateboarding can be accomplished without all the bumps and bruises. Developer Neversoft crafted something that was simple yet amazing. The goal of the game is simple: do tricks and get points. The game allowed you to play as ten different pro skaters, and to do so in style. If that wasn't good enough, you could skate to some awesome tunes from professional artists; the PS1 version was superior in this department due to its CD-based format. Overall, the game was a huge hit and would cement the series as the number one skateboarding series in gaming. Thanks, Tony!

Michael Jackson: The Experience (2010, Wii/PS3/Xbox 360/PC/Wii U/DS/3DS/PSP/Vita/iPhone/iPad 2)

I wanted to do Michael Jackson's Moonwalker, but it's based on a movie. That's okay, we can talk about this one instead. This game was released after the Pop King's passing to initialize on all the popularity he was getting (death will do that to a celebrity). This dancing game is all about doing the right moves at the right time, and the controls are different for each system. The mobile devices all use touch controls, the Wii version uses motion controls via the Wiimote and nunchuck, while the Xbox 360 uses Kinect to allow for full body movements. The best part of the game is the music, which utilizes tons of Jackson's songs. Sure, the controls have been criticized (they're not perfect), but the overall experience is exactly what the title promises.

Jillian Michaels' Fitness Ultimatum 2010 (2010, Wii)

The Wii has plenty of fitness games, and one of the best ones stars personal trainer Jillian Michaels. While this game is not amazing, it is decent, and it will give you a workout! It takes place on a tropical island and offers 18 different single exercises; or you can do a circuit of exercises together. While the game is criticized for some control problems, it's far superior to the first game in the series (JM's Fitness Ultimatum 2009). As a celebrity game, it's pretty good. And honestly, "pretty good" is high praise for any celebrity game!