PixlBit

Hello! I originally posted this blog on 1up awhile back, but i figured i would throw it up here as well. This is a rant/review/rave of Jurassic Park for SNES, obscenities, movie quotes, puns, and shitty FPS modes aplenty on this one. Hope everyone enjoys, and some of my 1up friends may get a kick revisting Jurassic Park with me!

 

I dont know many people who dont love Jurassic Park the movie. Based on the book of the same name, its an awesome story of what happens when the old guy who played santa on miracle on 34th st decides to play god with dinosaurs. Seriously, i loved this movie as a child, summer of 93 baby! I had the action figures, the t shirts, and the snes video game! While all my Genesis friends were riding rafts with Dr. Grant and slashing shit with raptors, i was looking for ID cards. For like 3 fucking years.. .

 

 

This is what the game box looks like, you know, in case you find it out in the in the wild (see what i did there?)

Coming from our friends over at Ocean, Jurassic park for the SNES is an interesting title to say the least. For no reason, Dr Alan Grant is stuck on Isle Nublia (i believe thats the name of jurassic parks island) all alone, with such friends as Wayne Knight and Jeff Goldblum giving you mission objectives and hints over random telephone poles. You wander the island with 1 objective at a time, with an overhead shooting/exploring mode (think zombies ate my neighbors) being the main map and a FPS mode for when you enter the buildings. Sounds good on paper, but execution isnt exactly perfect. This game has no save feature or password system, so get out your favorite pain reliever and some energy drinks and lets explore JURASSIC PARK!

 

Im gonna fry the shit outta ya. . . little de-evolved bird prick!

 

You start at the famous gate of jurassic park, armed with some cattle prod, a non working radar, some malboro man life icons and a health bar. Your first objective is to turn the power on in the power shed. Sounds good. Samual L Jackson never made it back from the power shed, but im sure my cattle prod will do just fine. Soon you are finding good weapons, cuz your gonna need them. You have a primary and seconardy weapon, primary can be switched back to cattle prod (good for killing compies and charging mechanical gears) and your secondardy, is well just your secondary. Weapons include shotgun, rocket launcher, bola snares, tranquilizer darts, and gas grenades. Just use the rocket launcher and the bolas, everything else sucks ass. The darts and grenades just put raptors to sleep, and i would sleep better knowing that they fucking exploded into a fire ball instead.

Travel down, kill some dinos and enter the utility shed. Here comes the FPS mode. Imagine an awful version of wolfenstein, with giant low grade pixels, running at 3 FPS, and for some reason BJ is wearing snorkling goggles. Thats the FPS mode. . .

 

 

I know the screenshot is small, but it actual looks the same way on the TV screen

 

Take this time to take your first pain reliever, because the headache is coming. There are 3 of these somehow already rusted abandoned looking bunker sheds on this island. In this one you are looking for a giant ON/OFF switch to turn the power on. After blasting some raptors and spitters, as well as turning corners slower than a snail fucking another snail, your can now access the computer system. These terminals allow you open different parts of the park, gain security access, communicate with stuff, and for no reason allow you to view random fractals?

 Ah haha, you didnt say the magic word!

Anywho, off to the vistor center to get the computers back online. Now here lies the problem in this game. The second floor of the vistor center has a room that requires a key card to get in to it. This begins a fetch quest that is the meat and potatoes of this game. Finding fucking ID cards to access a room, to find another ID card, to access a room in a utility shed, to find another ID card, to find batteries for night vision goggles (side note, every building requires you to find batteries for the night vision goggles, as there are dark rooms that are instant death if you dont have the batteries), only to go in a dark room and find another ID card. Take another pain reliever because there are 9 ID cards, 2 security level clearances, and 2 comm ports to find. Have a Red Bull too, because remember, no save feature!

 

 Clever Girl, i have no health and only a cattle prod. . . . checkmate

 

Other objectives come up, like "block the raptors from entering the vistors center." I looked for a logical solution for a few weeks when i was a kid, to only find that you have to push a crate (you cant push anything else in this game) in front of door in the basement of the raptor pen (which for some reason is the size of a fucking industrial warehouse), which is near an elevator that leads to the vistor center (thats locked by a key card). WHAT THE FUCK? Who came up with this idea? If i cant find the connection or get the ID card, how the fuck are the raptors getting in? Maybe they should be playing this game! The game doesnt offer many hints on these kinda things, plus the messages you recieve are mostly worthless.

 

 You better tell your grandpa not to get close timmy, because im gonna punch him in the face for this mess!

 

Soon after collecting more ID cards, your off to a dino infested ship. Fun includes killing all dinos on the ship (required mission), going back and forth to comm ports and getting more ID cards! More pain reliever. Plus it has like 5 floors!

 

 The ship is creepy, Hellraiser style cenobite hooks everywhere, complete rust color, and a thanksgiving dinner

 

After the ship is done and your done another Red Bull, its off to kill the raptor eggs in the raptor nest! Go get 30 more ID cards to get the nerve gas in the northern utility shed, then head to sector 2! This section is scary, as you get some close encounters with the instant death T-REX!

 

MMMMMMM, Sam Neil Tasty!

 

Insert pain reliever. The raptor nest is a huge fucking maze of gray bricks and dumb dinosaurs. It still takes me like 20 min to find the egg room and get the hell out.

 

Life found a way. . . .

 

Now we can leave Jurassic park for good (after an annoying trek back to the ship to call the mainland, even though the ship has no dinos left and the comm port is like 3 floors down!!!). Wait! I hope you have been collecting the 18 dino eggs on the island, because its the last objective if you havent gotten them yet. Sprinkled on the outside map, you must collect the eggs to beat the game. Most players used to the game collect them through out the playthrough, but if you didnt know, drink another Red Bull. After the eggs are collected, its off the to helipad to get the fuck outta here!

 

Send the Contra helicopter ASAP!

 

Now, i can beat this game in about 2 1/2 hours (i played it last night). I cant remember what i had for dinner yesterday, but i remember the location of all the items and tasks. I had to play this game for 3 years as a kid to figure it out, so its become a staple in my memory. The music has been stamped in my brain too, the outside has different tunes, all of them decent snes tunes. The interiors have only 1 song, its a cool and creepy song (scared me when i was a kid) but you better love it, because you are going to here it for hours! I do enjoy this game, but it must be simply out of nostaglia, because otherwise it fucking sucks. Maybe thats harsh, it has good concepts, but a save feature and some guidance isnt too much to ask for. Ocean must of realized all the frustration this game gave to kids, because the sequel "Jurassic Park 2 : the Chaos Continues" is an AWESOME Contra style run and gun game. I suggest you check it out. Grant is back, some how with years of marine training and he even ditches his hat!

 

After careful consideration, i decided NOT to endorse your park.

 

In closing, give this game a shot someday. Just have your pain reliever and energy drink, along with a walkthrough if you want to enjoy the rest of your week. Your still alive, as the game begins to eat you. . . .

 

The elusive oven in the vistor center. . . so much detail