PixlBit

As you may or may not know...I'm a bit of a review buff. I love to take a critical eye to games with my opinion because much like many people I feel I need to give feedback towards a product I purchased. However, this isn't about my sense of professionalism. I'm no professional writer and I'm a pretty bad editor...but I do know what's wrong and I do know what's bad.

How do I know this you may ask? Well it's quite simple...I'm a man of terrible taste and cheap deals and boy oh boy did the Nintendo Wii deliver on both fronts. I could go for very easy targets such as movie cash ins, barbie games, mindless mini game compilations aplenty....but no I'm going for the lowest of the low. The worst of all offenders...I'm about to rip into a company and it's games designed for Satan to punish gamers like me in the proverbial hell that is Data Design Interactive gaming. Today a very special Wii Review...damn it...Ninjabread Man

Oh Ninjabread Man...you know you're a terrible game from the very start don't you? What's that? Your game engine is the exact same as Myth Makers: Trixie in Toyland  another DDI disaster save for a candy pallet swap!? Allow me to smack that stupid gumdrop button off your candy ass...if you smell what the Rock is cookin'...it's sh*tty.

Now I'm fine with the poor excuse for PS1/N64 style graphics as shown above and below...that doesn't bother me...it doesn't even bother me that this game has absolutely no story...or good enemy design...or hit detection...hell I would have been saner had it not committed these sins I'm sure, but I know what really pushed me over the edge was the controls.

There is a name to my pain...and it is this games controls...

To quote the Angry Video Game Nerd,..we all know good games utilize the "A" button to jump on Nintendo consoles. It's the tried and true method for making a quality game. Mario has done it for years on a traditional themed controller it's the "A" button to jump. With that out of the way....WHY IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU UTILIZE THE NUNCHUK TO DO JUMPING!!!??? AND TO FURTHER INSULT ME YOU FLICK IT TWICE TO DOUBLE JUMP!!!! FUUU@#$%!%^@^!&!

Anyways where was I? Oh right....Ninjabread Man is terrible....downright unplayable...and I beat this game...and you know what you get? Just an ending credits. Even if you break whatever is left of your mental state into mindless mush to collect the hidden pick ups...all you get is ending credits. No congraturations misspelling...no ghostbusters ending...not even a Ghosts and Goblins f-u style beat it twice true ending. just ending credits...deal with it.

Data Design Interactive are geniuses. I give them kudos for the remarkable feat of creating games that children would be none the wiser about. You can just imagine the amount of children who looked at this and thought that looks neat mommy...or clueless parents who on a whim in their tight budgets decided against getting Mario Galaxy and instead took this home to their kids for an unsuspecting present in order to save about $40. So congratulations Data Design Interactive...you succeeded. Are you proud of yourself? Are you glad to have made children cry or possible die from sadness? You feel good about that? I hope you do. Because you also succeeded in doing something else...Congratulations Data Design Interactive! You succeeded in pissing me off.