The Secret (and sexy) Life of Blake

On 09/15/2014 at 12:33 PM by Blake Turner

Shit yeah I'm sexy. Or at least I was until I accidentally shaved a bit off my beard and then had to shave it all off. Now I look freakish and alien:

Gah! It's hideous! Burn it with fire! Anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you now. This happened like 2 or 3 weeks ago, and my beard is semi functional now again. I say semi. It's more like prepubescant facial posturing at this point, but it's better than that looking 14.

Anyway, I had a fucking terrible day. Well, white male terrible anyway. I'm sure if I were to walk up Anne Frank and told her my story of woe, she'd look at me for a minute before slapping me and calling the next train to Auschwitz because she'd lost hope for the human race, but whatever. Bilby bought me a Game of Thrones coffee mug which I accidentally dropped a coffee machine on. Somehow, it only broke the handle. I thought I'd be a badass arts student and glue it back together. I let it set, and it was awesome, and worked fine! For one coffee anyway. The next one waited until I was back at my computer for the handle to break off and spray coffee over my monitor, keyboard, xbox controller, chair, wall, and a couple of 3ds game cases. My keyboard is thoroughly fucked though. I'd go and buy a new one but I CAN'T FIND MY FUCKING WALLET! Seriously, I searched the entire house and my car, it's gone. Maybe I left it at EB Games. I'll go talk to the guy, but I'm sure I brought it home. Anyway.

GAMES

My humble 3DS collection. I also have A Link Between Worlds, but Bilby is borrowing it. If you can see them, note the prices. If Jesus were alive, buy golly he'd slice some mofos up with that samurai sword of his.

So far I've put 22 hours into Pokemon X and... I've got two badges. Seriously, I wanted to catch them all. Except Absol. That cunt can eat a dick. I went through a fuckton of great balls, dusk balls, nest balls, and he still wouldn't become my slave! Bastard. I also got some pokemon from Bilby because she's got Y whereas I got X.

I also got lost in Bravely Default, which is picking up now that I have some jobs and a full party. It was kind of boring before then. Although now Mrgrgr is my favourite phrase.

New Super Mario Bros. is fucking dope. So much better than 3D Land. Except that you have to either beat a castle or get 5 star coins and then get somewhere you can spend them before you can save. That's fucking bullshit, and exactly what you shouldn't do on a handheld. In every other respect it's dope as fuck.

Castlevania - Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate is kind of meh. It's not a bad game, but as a Castlevania game, it's kind of shit. I mean there's barely any exploration, and it plays more like a 2D God of War. I'm still having fun with it, but I think I'll get the DS Castlevania's off Amazon because they're apparently the bees pyjamas or however that phrase goes. If anyones played them, which should I get if I only get 2?

Project X Zone is fucking batshit, but I love it. If you haven't played it, it's a crossover of Namco, Capcom, and Sega, with lots of referencial humour at the expense of the various IP's. Basically, if Fire Emblem and Street Fighter X Tekken had a twisted baby, this would be it, and it's amazing.

Watching

I'd watched bits of Supernatural before and it kind of seemed corny, but now I'm watching it in order, it's still fucking corny. It's on CW, what did you expect? However, it's also awesome. Sam and Dean are great, the soundtrack and self referential humour are awesome, and it's just entertaining as hell. Nearly finished season 2, and it's just been a fun ride.

I also started watching The Shield. This show is great. It's like The Wire, but with self contained episodes and funnier dialogue. Oh, and more moral ambiguity than you can shake a stick at. I look forward to watching more. It's badass.

Reading

Just picked up the Malazan Book of the Fallen series. I started reading the first book and it's pretty darn awesome. It's got the blood and moral ambiguity of Game of Thrones, but with more flying castles and other awesome shit. If you have the patience, check them out. Just maybe read some cliff notes before going in, because he doesn't explain a fucking thing. He just drops you into some characters shoes and expects you to figure out what's going on. Which is kind of cool, and really works in immersing you in the world, but it also means the opening chapters are a touch on the dense side.

Anyway, that's me done. Toodles.

SanAndreas

09/15/2014 at 12:38 PM

Those are all awesome 3DS games you got. I got the CEs of Bravely Default and Project X Zone.

Blake Turner Staff Writer

09/15/2014 at 12:46 PM

Nice. What was in the CE's of them?

Any other suggestions for 3DS or DS games?

mothman

09/15/2014 at 01:14 PM

Here's the BD CE

http://www.pixlbit.com/blog/5738/bravely_default_ce_unboxed

09/15/2014 at 01:15 PM

Dude, that is freaking badass.

09/15/2014 at 02:05 PM

The X-Zone CE wasn't spectacular, just a soundtrack CD, a small artbook, and a poster. But since at the time it didn't cost any more than a bog-standard version I jumped on it. I like that game since I liked a lot of the game franchises that made cameos in it.

Other suggestions? I believe you already have Fire Emblem? My personal favorite is Zelda: A Link between Worlds. The Etrian Odyssey games (first-person dungeon crawlers), and Virtue's Last Reward are good, and those are the ones I think you might like.

09/15/2014 at 01:00 PM

Bravely Default might piss you off in chapters 5, 6 and 7 but maybe not if you actually undertake some of the skippable boss battles and secret stuff. I didn't find out about most of it until my son played it and was telling me about shit that I didn't experience.

For me the best part of the game is the multi-part final battles. A lot of the story is wrapped up as you fight through the battles and some of the stuff that happens is really cool.

I watched Supernatural for about 5 seasons before losing track of it. I'm not sure why I stopped. It was always good fun. I see bits of new episodes now and then but I don't know WTF is going on so I wind up putting on something else.

Just finished American Gods and it's a shame that you can't get it in Oz because I think you'd like it.

I'm reading The Halloween Man right now. I wound up with a shitload of digital books on my reader that were either free or 99 cents. I haven't read this much in years.

09/15/2014 at 01:04 PM

Yeah I heard about those chapters of Bravely Default. I don't know, how bad are they?

And yeah, I can get American Gods, just not on the Humble Bundle for some reason.

09/15/2014 at 01:12 PM

Let's just say that they're pretty repetitive if you only do that which is required to move to the next chapter. There's missable shit you can do if you want though.

Ok, I thought it was one of those Australian ban things. It's got the word American in it, sorry mate, not in Australia y'dont. :)

I don't think we've ever had books banned here. Not recently anyway. It could just be that that edition is made for specific regions or whatever. There's no content in it you'd find bannable haha?

09/15/2014 at 01:22 PM

Some minor disturbing things and a brief but graphic description of gay oral sex. Nothing as extended and graphic as GoT though.

09/15/2014 at 01:44 PM

Fair enough. Well now I'm sold on the book ;)

Matt Snee Staff Writer

09/15/2014 at 01:25 PM

dude, I hate to ruin your idea of history, but Jesus didn't use a samurai sword. He used nunchuks.

09/15/2014 at 01:43 PM

Actually we're both wrong. He used fish:

Seriously, if you have't watched this, check it out, you'll have a giggle.

Casey Curran Staff Writer

09/15/2014 at 01:49 PM

Absol is fucking awesome. I always name mine Absolutely. As for Castlevania, Dawn of Sorrow is the must buy (one of my all time favorites). Best castle, soul collecting fits in fantastically with the gameplay. Only downside is you have to beat bosses by drawing shit after which was stupid. With the other two, I personally prefer Portrait of Ruin for it's world and fantastic post game content but Order of Ecclesia really does something different If you'd rather have that.

09/15/2014 at 01:53 PM

Absol looks awesome! But I can't catch one!

And yeah, I heard Dawn of Sorrow is awesome except for the drawing. How annoying is it?

And yeah, I've heard some people say Portrait of Ruin is amazing, and other people criticise it for being derivative. A lot of people seem to think it's the weakest, with either OoE or DoS coming out on time.

09/15/2014 at 02:23 PM

Have the stylus in your hand during evey boss and practice every new seal you get and it's not so bad.

09/15/2014 at 03:24 PM

Still sounds shit. How precise is it? I have shakey hands is all.

09/15/2014 at 04:27 PM

It's precise enough once you get used to the calibrations. I have shaky hands too and didn't think it was that bad.

I'd rank OoE as the worst, but that's because I like its combat a lot less and prefer the giant castle to the segmented areas.

09/15/2014 at 04:45 PM

I heard it was a giant segment later, after the mission based stuff early on? Maybe I read wrong or something, is it all level based?

jgusw

09/15/2014 at 03:09 PM

I feel for you, man. Those game prices are crazy.

I played a bit of Bravely Default and it was boring. I figured I'd go back to it when I had the time. I've heard other people say it picks up too.

09/15/2014 at 04:10 PM

Indeed, they are.

And yeah, I can understand that. I played a bit of it and was like meh and played other things. Now I've come back to it and I'm hooked!

Super Step Contributing Writer

09/15/2014 at 03:33 PM

You look less 14 than I do, so there's that. I also have a super-short haircut now. Luckily, I at least have some stubble.

09/15/2014 at 05:24 PM

I find super short haircuts often make you look older. They do for me anyway haha.

xDarthKiLLx

09/15/2014 at 03:53 PM

I gotta check out the Malazan series. I don't mind being dropped right into the world...it always ends up being more badass in my own mind anyway, same with GoT.

I know exactly how you feel when it comes to shaving...two or three times a year I'll go clean-shaven, and it feels like I'm looking at another person in the mirror.

Fair enough. Some people just find that it can take a long time to work out who the armies are and what they're fighting for. Game of Thrones has a gentler introduction, I found, though this is still not as offputting as many have said, and has plenty of action, intrigue, and even bits of comedy to keep you interested.

And yeah, it was kind of disappointing for me, as the beard took so long to grow. It's growing back a lot quicker this time though! Also, I have no idea what you look like, so in my head you are now Grizzley Adams.

Machocruz

09/15/2014 at 04:23 PM

If you play Dawn of Sorrow, which is superb, you're going to want to play Portrait of Ruin, And when you're done with that, you're going to want to play Order of Ecclesia. And when you're done with that, you're going to be sad because Castlevania is dead.

But you asked for 2, so I....no, I can't do it. Get all 3 or GTFO!

09/15/2014 at 05:25 PM

Yeah, but getting all 3 is like 60 bucks. I suppose I could get them all...

Alex-C25

09/15/2014 at 04:44 PM

Now you got me interested in that book series.

If you want a 3DS rec, I think the remake of the first Etrian Oddysey might be great for you if you like dungeon crawling. I haven't given the game much time, but I did like what i've played of it. I may start again though, just because i'm afraid to get lost if I jump back where I left.

09/15/2014 at 05:26 PM

I've been looking for the Etrian games, but I can't find them around here! I'll have to go with Amazon or something.

leeradical42

09/15/2014 at 09:07 PM

You always say I never comment so here I am trying to improve relations with the well Blake sorry cant say your sexy I like women ha ha nice collection of games and glad you got your pc running again now if I could just get you to get a ps3 or 360 I could add ya on my freinds list.

09/15/2014 at 09:13 PM

I have a 360, I just refuse to pay money to go online with it. Also, I don't remember saying that lol.

09/16/2014 at 01:58 AM

I dont have Gold on my 360 either send me a freinds request so I can spy on ya lol!! LEERADICAL42

09/16/2014 at 01:19 PM

Haha. Sorry man, I never take my 360 online, like ever. I did with my PS3 for a bit. These days with limited internet though I can't even game online on my pc unless it's something that's not intensive like Hearthstone.

09/17/2014 at 10:12 AM

Ahhh you live in the stix huh lol!!

KnightDriver

09/16/2014 at 03:05 AM

I used to love the flying castles thing in the Elric series by Michael Moorcock. I still do I guess.

09/16/2014 at 01:18 PM

Can't say I've ever read them, though flying castles are always awesoem :D

09/16/2014 at 03:41 PM

vanishing

I was so obsessed with this series back in High School. Elric jumps in a castle tower that moves randomly through the dimensions. Kinda like a Dr. Who story now that I think of it.

Aboboisdaman

01/14/2015 at 09:41 PM

Did you finish Bravely Default? It's on my wishlist, but I've heard people say the final act is horrible. Having to replay multiple previously encountered dungeons in a row isn't that appealling.

I've been meaning to get into Pokemon, but don't really know WTF to even begin.

01/14/2015 at 10:17 PM

I didn't, but I want to. The repeating sections have people divided, but they are interested.

Just start with the newest one. It's good, it's fun, and you don't need to play any to get into it.

PixlBit