PixlBit

Day 1: Today is the first day. I haven't played my Wii games in a while. I look at all the great titles I've bought. I see familiar faces of Mario, Metroid, and Zelda. A smile comes across my face. But I can't venture towards that shelf...no...this is a mission towards the crap I hid in my closet. I dust off my Wii and reconnect it. That familiar chime of the menu appearing before me. I see days of old...Check Mii Out, The Weather Channel, The Homebrew I installed to play foreign titles I bought off ebay...ah the nostalgia. I open up the closet and bust out the tote of bad games...still in alphabetical order...still just as bad. I sigh and fish out the game... There it is... Anubis II

Okay...so let's begin with the title. This game is not a sequel to anything...at all. No the title of how you should be pronouncing it is Anubis the 2nd. I have a theory of what happened to the first Anubis. He saw that this game was so goddamn awful he committed suicide and thus Anubis the 2nd began his power hungry reign of terror. But really this game suffers because of developer DDI...not DDR... a great and excellent dancing game and certainly not DDT...a wrestling move and also virus I think.

There is a name to my pain in Wii game shovelware...and it is Data Design Interactive. AVGN has LJN...I have ddi. For the record Data Design Interactive was a British video game developer and video game publisher. It was founded in 1983, became a limited company in 1999 and set up a US division Data Design Interactive LLC in May 2008. You may recognize some of their fantastic shovelware titles in Myth Makers, Kidz Sports (because sports are extreme!!!) featuring NuYu(Their version of Miis), and some other crap.^. DDI became deceased in 2009. THANK GOD!

So you'll have noticed I haven't talked about the game a lot or the story or the controls or anything...and that's because this game along with Ninjabread Man and Myth Makers all have the same goddamn awful controls, coding, and graphics. Sure Ninjabread Man may have a dessert motif, and Trixie in Toyland similar with a toy design...but slapping a desert paint job on a awful game doesn't distinguish it from any other crap they released...but if you want to see Anubis in all his glory...you cannot possibly prepare yourself for this image...hopefully you aren't drinking anything right now.

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHABWAHAHAHAHA

...I can't breathe....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

*Ahem* Sorry about that. Anyways, Anubis II is set in Ancient Egypt, where you attempt to contol Anubis, the guardian of the Underworld in his quest to lift the curse of the pharoahs. This may sound like I'm giving you a very simple story, but this is about all you'll get too. Much like Ninjabread Man or Trixie in Toyland the game just ends with credits. Like I said earlier, it's all the same damn engine. Therefore, it has identical music, gameplay and level layout, the same basic attacks, and enemies (as well as having most of the same bugs and glitches) that those two do.

And therein lies the problem. It's hard to review a game that I already have. I once reviewed Ninjabread Man and all the same problems in that game hold up here.  You utilize the nunchuk to jump, though you can use different means of the heavenly Z button which the game will NOT tell you. Swing the remote to engage in clunky combat...or utilize the B button to shoot enemies from afar because let's be honest...you don't want to be in a situation where clunky combat is a thing.

However, let's say you enjoy the sweet torture of these games. Well you're in luck! You get a second mode with score pick ups, time attack mode, and a hidden pick ups alternate mode...All just as terrible as the last...if not more so.

This game sucks...so much and already I'm regretting this decision. My score: 1/10 just because I applaud the kahunas that DDI has to release such a fantastic steaming pile of garbage upon the world and unsuspecting children. Congratulations DDI...you win the garbage award...Enjoy it with pride!

 

So what is next on my list? You know what...it can't be that bad...I just reviewed Anubis II...No game can be as bad as that.

 

 

GOD DAMNIT!