PixlBit

Video game hills I would die on:

Super Mario Sunshine is WAY more fun than everyone gives it credit for and you're all blinded by Mario 64 nostalgia.

Cel shading is the fastest way to preserve a game's visual fidelity well into the future.

10-15 hours is the perfect length for most games, and I will take replayability over "more shit" any day. 

Bonus: Games streaming as it exists now is the DUMBEST shit and my PS+ Premium subscription would go from "definitely not worth it, downgrading to Extra tier once it renews" and "holy shit this is the best value ever" if I could just download the PS3 games on the service. Having said that, "Retro/Grade" is great and streams ok, usually. 

CAGE MATCH:

Is Plumbers Wear Ties a JRPG? No? Then that one. I'm way more interested in choose-your-own-adventure/story-driven games as it is. 

Stage Select:

I agree with SuperStep: Game streaming does suck. I'd easily rather download, or better still, own on cartridge, rather than stream games. I'm personally tired of game providers using subscriptions trying to establish permanent ongoing connections with my wallet.  You know who else does that? Drug dealers. Just sell me what I want and go away until I ask for you again.

I never use Microsoft products as long as there are viable alternatives. I even own a Macbook instead of a PC. 

On a related note, the Nintendo Switch is my favorite system of all time, and that is a hill I will not die on, because I will never lose that battle. 

Cage Match:

This matchup takes either in the back lot of some honky-tonk beer joint, or maybe on the yacht in international waters where Homer Simpson and his friends watched the monkey knife fight. You have John from Plumbers Don't Wear Ties squaring off against Brian from Quest 64. For once, Brian actually holds his own instead of being knocked out within ten seconds of the bell ring. John brings out the big guns, namely Jane in her dominatrix outfit with her whip (insert whip sound here), but Brian wisely decided to grind for earth element this time and is actually holding his own... It looks like he might win... both contenders are in their respective corners, breathing hard, both bruised and bleeding, exhausted. Brian got some good offense in the last round... but then the karate lady from Plumbers beats up the judge and declares John the winner. A few seconds later, a stock clip of machine gun fire plays, bullet holes randomly appear, and the karate lady is lying on the ground with Xs over her eyes, with Brian having ditched his magic staff for a Tommy gun. Could it be... that Quest 64 could win?

...Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that Brian from Quest has been disqualified for use of dog doo on a stick, and we award the match to John from Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.

Video game hills huh?  Well I could say Mario is better than Sonic, but that would mean I'd have to die on Green Hill or Mushroom Hill, and I wouldn't want that.  Sorry, that was a dumb joke.

I don't know, I can't really think of any good video game hills I would die on.  Mainly because I try to keep an open mind about that stuff.  For instance, I'm probably the only person in the world who didn't like EarthBound when I played it, but I'd be willing to give it a second chance if I ever found the time.

I guess I could say something like "Pac-Man is the best video game character ever."  I doubt I'd retract that statement anytime soon.

That's funny, I actually played both Fashion Police Squad and Cursed to Golf so that part stood out to me.  They both had highly regarded demos during the last Steam Next Fest!  Fashion Police Squad, an old DOOM throwback but w/o the killing and gore, had some decent weapon juggling and some interesting bosses.  And Cursed to Golf very well might be the first successful roguelike golf game (don't worry, the levels aren't really procedurally developed though I think there's going to be a postgame upgrade with more randomness).  Cursed to Golf in particularly I liked so much I beat the not-easy-at-all demo challenge!

STAGE SELECT:
I've thought of one I've developed recently, so while it's not fun I'll post it here anyway.  Repeat, it's not a fun one.  Not all of these can be fun ones, sorry.  Look, Kirby and the Forgotten Land is a good game.  A ton of work went into it after dozens of years of 3D HAL failures and mini-games to suss out how it could work.  Trust me, I played Kirby's Blowout Blast.  If you played Kirby's Blowout Blast then I'm all ears.  Forbidden Lands is a new exciting direction, and it's darn cute.  But I kind of hate its success.  I wouldn't put it the top 5 Kirby games.  The actual battling is a bit sloppy (don't get me started on the lack of attack opportunities to enemies with certain powers, even with the slow-down mechanic.  They just love warping and stuff!).  The powers having different abilities is very basic and it almost always is better just to use the latest one.  The levels are fine but they are flat and do kind of get repetitive, and there's an absolutely tiny amount of enemy variety.  I think it's telling that the postgame stuff which is usually a standout of the game gives you a, spoiler alert, healing sword right before it.  Oh, also, I got to experience multiplayer and let me tell you that the Bandana Waddle Dee is *so* much less fun then Kirby, I really think it needs a huge multiplayer update like Kirby Star Allies had.  There wasn't even a single patch for it despite some known bugs let alone anything to balance the game.  So while it's a fun game, I'm kind of worried that its breakout success will kill the classic tighter 2D action that Kirby is known for (or, now I guess, lesser known for) just because it's a more approachable game at a basic level.  A classic sacrifice of function over form.

Here's a couple other ones I thought about.  Think Bionic Commando is the king of grappling games?  Do yourself a favor and play Umihara Kawase for the SNES.  You will suck at it and you will hate it unless or until you get good at it, but it's bar none the best.  Think Mario Bros 3 is the king platformer for the NES?  *Maybe* it is, but do yourself a favor and play Mr. Gimmick anyway.  It has amazing physics, music, graphics, and a solid if unrelenting difficulty all done by a tiny team.  Not as fun, maybe, but it's such a tight experience it's a shame it never got picked up in the US.

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH:
Let me ask you this: How can I play Quest 64?  Can I download it on the Switch?  No, you can't even download it on the Wii.  Can I play Plumbers Don't Wear Ties?  Not yet, but a definitive edition *is* coming out later this year.  DEFINITIVE EDITION!  And when that *does* finally come out?  Well, what then?  Quest 64 for the win.

How can this be?  Quest 64 may be the Quest 64 of video games, but Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is the Plumbers Don't Wear Ties of video games.  Also, an unplayed Quest 64 is better than a played one anyways, guarantee it.  While I was looking more into it, I found out Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was the Number 1 entry on PC Gamer's online Must NOT Buy list from May 2007, beating out such winners as "Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing" (a classic) and "Forbes Corporate Warrior" (according to Wikipedia: "hailed by Crain's New York Business Magazine as, 'Doom meets Wharton School of Business.'").  To quote the article, "Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is a shallow, hateful waste of a game, and may very well be responsible for having killed the 3DO, interactive fiction, and the whale."  I'd rather take the road not taken.