PixlBit

We've all had one of those days...

Truly unique. A very memorable experience. When describing any other game, these phrases would likely be taken as a compliment. But Conker’s Bad Fur Day isn’t just any other game, it’s a twisted take on the generally cheerful worlds of the typical platformer. Chalk full of blood and gore, alcohol and drug use, and more curse words than an episode of South Park, it ranges from a clever parody to sickening immaturity. The gameplay itself contains some interesting ideas, but it ultimately falls short of reaching its full potential.

If only I knew what I was getting myself into when I came across this cartridge in that game store all those years ago, maybe I would have rethought that purchase. At the time, I didn't know much of this game; I remembered articles in Nintendo Power about how it went through numerous changes in development and ended up as something for mature audiences, but that was the last they mentioned it. Rareware games hadn't let me down before, so their logo on the nondescript label was enough for me to buy the game without question. There's a reason that Nintendo Power didn't touch this game...

When I booted up the game, I was greeted with the familiar Nintendo 64 logo, which was promptly cut in half by Conker wielding a chainsaw. For some reason, it reminded me of old television commercials for Sega. The menu is within a bar, with the game files and options appearing in the doors and windows of the place.

The game started off with Conker ringing his girlfriend, Berri, from a bar, explaining that he's going to be late. He ended up having too much to drink, and in a drunken stupor, he wandered off and got lost on his way home. When he woke up the following morning with a headache, he found himself in an  unfamiliar land. Unlike the heroes of other games, who are trying to rescue a princess or save the world, Conker is merely trying to find his way home. Actually, I shouldn’t call Conker a hero, because he won’t help anyone if they don’t offer him something in return.

I gained control of the hungover squirrel, who at this time can do nothing but walk around holding his head. There appeared to be some sort of small farmland nearby, so I walked around the fence and moved up to a scarecrow. It seemed to be a little out of sorts too, but it managed to eventually explain about the game's context-sensitive pads; press B on one of these to get what is needed at that moment in time. Right then, it's some medicine to cure a hangover.

Refreshed, Conker could now run and jump. As I reached a waterfall with a cliff to jump up, Conker contemplated his moves. He remembered having a high jump, which is hold Z and press A, along with a funny helicoptery tail thingy, by holding A after a jump. After a few jumps and entering a room with a locked door and a key running around, Conker remembered that the B button does something, which turned out to be a frying pan. This can be used to hit stuff, which right then meant smacking the key so it could be picked up. These are all of Conker's basic moves throughout the game. Although the context-sensitive pads are a neat idea, the small number of standard moves makes traversing worlds a little less interesting than the usual platformer.

The next place I entered served as a sort of hub for the game, where paths eventually opened up to lead to most of the other levels in the game. After exploring for a bit, I came across a queen bee who had her hive stolen by some nasty wasps. At first, Conker refuses to help, but after she offers him a cash reward, he agrees. She directed me to the path to the wasp nest, and I went along it and eventually came upon the stolen hive. After picking it up, the wasps chased after me with their stingers out as I ran back to the queen bee. Once she received her hive back, she flew inside of it and brought out a gun. After blasting the wasps out of the sky in a flurry of insect guts, she got back out and rewarded Conker with a hundred dollars.

It may be simplifying things a bit too much, but that is the basic structure of the game: meet a character, do one or more things to interact in some way, then receive cash as a reward. Forget collecting worthless trinkets or puzzle pieces, Conker is after cold, hard cash. Because after all, money talks, and in this game, that's quite literal. Money always makes a remark when it's picked up, which usually involves how greedy Conker is, calling him some swear.

The game isn't a collectathon, the money just serves as a force to drive Conker. The worlds aren't like a typical platformer; instead of entering and revisiting a bunch of different worlds, it's a more linear journey, going from one area to the next. The levels aren't filled with enemies, and instead, the unsavory characters that Conker meets usually play out more like boss battles. Most of them have special ways to defeat them which generally involve the context-sensitive pads, which adds a lot of variety.

There are a few references to other videogames, but most of the parodies are of movies. One little thing is when a boss appears and says “Time to wander around, aimlessly,” which pokes fun at how enemies in games tend to just walk around, well, aimlessly. The movie parodies range from small and large bits of famous films like Jaws, Alien, A Clockwork Orange, Saving Private Ryan, and more. This kind of seems like a wasted opportunity, as there are plenty of things about videogames that the game could have poked fun at. Perhaps they thought that more people would catch movie references than videogame ones.

At a later point in the game, Conker finds nowhere to go but through a graveyard, and meets Death himself. The cloaked skeleton gives Conker a shotgun to deal with the undead creatures that roam it. This is where the game seems to lose its focus. For a brief period, it becomes a bit too much like Resident Evil, including the clunky controls. With the weapon drawn, the C-buttons now sidestep instead of adjusting the camera, which can lead to trouble in tight spaces. Movement is a little stiff, and the aiming cursor is sluggish, making it difficult to hit small targets like the heads of the zombies.

Once that chapter is complete, an old-time army recruitment video is shown upon returning to the hub, which opened up a previously closed door. Things got even worse from here on out. The following chapter was an all-out war, squirrels vs. evil teddy bears, and of course Conker is caught in the middle of it. After storming beaches, corridor shootouts, bazooka blasting, and even tank driving, the game moved further and further away from a platformer and became a third-person shooter, except with worse controls. It didn't even try to be clever anymore, and instead rested on its supposed absurdity.

I was looking forward to the ending, not because I thought it'd be amazing, but because I just wanted to be done with the game. As if things couldn't get worse, I then witnessed a scene that was taken straight from The Matrix. This no longer felt like a parody, and instead, a flat-out rip-off. It's the famous scene with the shootout in the pillared room, and it requires jumping back and forth from behind the pillars in slow motion. The issue is that getting hit resulted in being knocked out of slow motion, and since Conker can't run during this point, it isn't uncommon to receive a shot to the head before getting back to cover. It isn't always clear when the best time to jump is, so getting through this segment is up to luck.

Things get even worse for the next part, the final stage of the game. But I'm not going to divulge the ending. I've actually been pretty spoiler-free up to this point, and I'd like to stay that way. It felt like a cop-out, like they literally ran out of ideas and had to slap something together at the last minute. With all the build up, I was expecting things to come together in some way, something a lot less sloppy.

There is also a multiplayer offering, which features seven different modes of play. Most of them are variations on the third-person shooty shooty type gameplay found later in the game, featuring your standard free-for-all, capture the flag, and a few others. There are also a couple other types, such as a tank battle mode, and a race game. Most modes have just one or two stages to play, with only free-for-all having more by offering five. AI bots can be added to any mode, not just to fill up slots if there are less than four players, but some modes can have up to twelve players total. This can really make things frantic, but sometimes the bots can be troubelsome since they don't have to overcome the poor controls like a human player does.

The game is brought to life by what is possibly the best presentation on the Nintendo 64. Environments are large and free of fog; textures are smooth, varied, and detailed; polygon counts are high, and characters are generally well-animated. This unfortunately comes at a drop in framerate, but it usually isn't an issue. The sound department is equally impressive, with some high-quality instrument samples for the music, and a load of different sound effects. Conker's footsteps alone must have at least a dozen different sounds, which changes depending on the surface. The dialogue is fully voice-acted. It is obvious that most of the voicework is done by the same guy, even some of the female voices, though for some reason this adds to the game's charm. Some voices are lip-synced to the more prevalent characters, like Conker.

On the whole, Conker's Bad Fur Day is a technical achievement, but it lacks some polish in the area of gameplay. It really shows what could be accomplished on the Nintendo 64 hardware, putting many other titles to shame. The single player is relatively short, though it's full of variety, even if that means it shifts wildly from entertaining to frustrating to plumb stupid. The multiplayer is pretty well presented, with many modes and a few customization options to mix things up even more. It's a complete package, but its crude skin limits its appeal.