I don't really see why people have trouble wrapping their heads over what an RPG is. The traditional RPG is a game that has a core set of rules based on a number of player stats that have a direct impact on the way the player succeeds or fails. Yes, it stems from Dungeons & Dragons, and the term "role playing game" is probably a misnomer to begin with. Because it's not assuming a "role" that makes an RPG an RPG. It's the rules underneath that govern it. There's usually a heavy story component to the game, but that's not a prerequisite: many of those 8-bit RPGs have little to no story worth talking about. But it is a genre. A poorly-defined one, but a genre, nonetheless.
Mike, you say you get tired of people complaining about RPGs fading away, and you also claim that Mass Effect is not an RPG. I can address both of these at the same time. It doesn't matter what you call a game--all video game genres at this point are damn near meaningless. What I don't want to see fade away is deep gameplay based on stats that improve as I progress through the game. To that end, I would argue that Mass Effect is one of the purest examples of an RPG in recent years.
In Mass Effect, my ability to succeed in battle is based on my character's stats and equipment, not my ability to aim and shoot. When I target an enemy, I just need to be close. When I pull the trigger, the game is utilizing the information about my weapon proficiency, equipment modifications, and checking that against the armor and shield stats of the enemy. I'm given a large selection of abilities to choose from. I can focus on a few core ones, or try and balance between all of them. You claim that the abilities in Mass Effect were more plentiful, but not as useful. As someone who just completed my third playthrough of ME 1(on Insanity) and went straight into ME 2 for a third time, I can tell you that the lack of options in 2 was jarring for me.
That's because I use everything at my disposal in Mass Effect. I spend half of every battle paused. I bring up the ability screen, and I'll target enemy "A" with Tali and have her use Overload to take out his shields. At the same time, I have Liara use Stasis on enemy "B" (the toughest enemy on screen) to take him out of the fight until I'm ready. At the same time, my Shepard (a Vanguard) is using Lift on enemies "C", "D", and "E", because a maxed out Lift in ME is ridiculously powerful. After all that goes off, I again pause to have Liara use Warp while Tali uses Sabotage and I fire my shotgun for big holes in the helpless enemies in the Lift field. By the time all that is done, the Stasis has worn off, and I concentrate everything we have on the toughest enemy.
That's deep combat. That's thinking tactically. In ME 2, I'm playing a shooter where I still use powers, but my options are cut in half, and anytime I use an ability, I'm locked out of all the other powers that character has, thanks to the universal cooldown. So I'm stuck playing a shooter with battles about as exciting as the first Gears of War: see the obvious cover points where an ambush is obviously going to occur, take cover, shoot, reload, shoot, move on. Yawn.
I don't want games to shy away from deep, stat-driven mechanics that give me the freedom to choose how I want to play. I think the idea that "the masses" won't understand how to play games like that is outdated thinking. 11 million people play WoW currently, and that doesn't count the others who used to play and quit. These aren't all hardcore gamers, these are grandmothers and 10 year olds and frat boys. These people, who may have never played an RPG before, excel at a game with far deeper mechanics than Mass Effect. Developers don't give their audience enough credit, and it's to the detriment of the gaming landscape.
So, I don't care what you want to call these games, or if you think it's a genre, or not. That's pointless. But if these very sound, immensely enjoyable mechanics continue to get diluted and simplified then we're left with every game becoming a competant third-person cover-based shooter.